Summary
In this episode Sasha shares an encouraging conversation with mom of 5 girls and parenting coach, Joy Wendling.
Joy brings a breath of fresh air to parenting with her playful and connected approach. She holds a Masters in Youth, Family, and Culture, is certified in the Connected Families Framework, and walks alongside parents coaching them in discipleship and discipline.
Joy parents hand in hand with Jesus and He isn’t left out of any of her coaching, nor the Connect Families Framework that she explains in this episode. *Since recording, Sasha & her husband are now 1/2 way through the framework coaching with Joy and are already witnessing shifts in their family dynamic*
Joy also shares about the importance of play in life, especially with our children and how much learning and connection takes places thought play. She gives ideas and examples of how to play with our children and how to educate and disciple them through play as well.
Want more of Joy?
Subscribe to her Podcast: Playfullyfaithfulparenting.com
Follow her on IG: Instagram.com/createdtoplay
Join her Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/playfulchristianmoms
Would you benefit from having a coach helping you live Productively Peaceful days digging into Faithful Foundations, Purposeful Priorities, Mindset Mastery, & Simple Selfcare? Schedule a consult with Sasha to learn more about the IAM Coaching Program and to see if you’d be a good it. https://calendly.com/intentionalabundanceco/iamconsult
You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intentional-abundance/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/intentional-abundance/support
Transcription
Sasha Star Robertson 0:02
Hello sisters and welcome back for another episode of the Intentional Abundant Life podcast. I’m your host Sasha star Robertson. And surprise! I have another special guest with us here today, and her name is Joy Wendling. She is a wife and Mama to five girls ages one through nine. Her and her family live in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where she has served in children’s youth and family ministry within the church, a Christian preschool, and through Young Life. In 2016 she earned her master’s in youth, family, and culture from fuller Theological Seminary. And though her primary ministry is her family, she is also a coach for parents in discipline and discipleship using Play and the connected families framework. She is also a podcast host of the playfully faithful parenting, podcast. Joy, thank you so much for being here with us today. Is there anything you would love to add to your bio for us?
Joy Wendling 1:03
Hi, thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to be here. I just, I love the idea of your podcast and Intentional Abundance is just so good. I think that is one of the things I think parenthood is all about. And so for me just falling in love with my kids each day and having them join me as we fall in love with Jesus more each day is just part of who I am and what I love about life and parenthood.
Sasha Star Robertson 1:46
I love that. Even right off the bat you’re just like to fall in love with my kids more each day and have them fall more in love with me each day as we are both falling in love with the Lord each day, and it’s like, wow, I feel like that’s almost a really contradictory statement to what I see a lot of parents and mothers, especially ones in the world living in today like they’re not like growing in love and falling in love with their kids and their kids are not falling in love with them because they’re, they’re just fighting and arguing and like, poor behavior, and etc. And so, man, tell us more about how you do this. I’d imagine it’s a lot of this background that you have and through play in the connected families framework. So just tell me all the things. How do you do this every day?
Joy Wendling 2:42
Just the power of Jesus, I mean, inviting the Holy Spirit in to my parenting and my life every day. And I’m not perfect. I mess up all the time. But I think just having grace for myself, and being you know, able to do the internal work of letting God speak to me of when I need to humble myself to my kids and apologize and repent to my kids, and listening to the Holy Spirit of you know, when they need discipline and when they need, you know, just to let it go. And for me, just recently in the past several months, I have been just meditating on Zephaniah 3:17 all the time, and just the way God delights over us. And that is one thing that I want my kids to know is that they are delighted over by both God and me.
Joy Wendling 3:45
And so when I’m feeling super frustrated, and just done, I will put on a fun song and just try to enjoy being with my kids and try to let whatever the moment is go, some at some for some people it works to like you know, take deep breaths and be very calm. For me. I need to go crazy, you know, pop on some like 90s music or an old you know, one of my favorites is we do it’s a great day to be alive. I think Travis Tritt maybe is who thinks that and my girls and I will just start dancing and they all sing and it’s got like this wolf howl in it. And so we’re making animal noises and we’re just having fun. And it reminds me that I love them. That they are fun. They are a blessing. And so when things, when they don’t feel like a blessing in the moment, I need to do something to get myself back in that right spot so that I can delight in them and they can experience that delight.
Sasha Star Robertson 4:56
Yes, I love that. I think it really flips the script on what a lot of us would naturally tend to think, is like I just need to get away. I just need to like go hide in my closet and breathe for a minute or cry or whatever it is, but this is the second time that I’ve kind of heard this recently in like playing a game of peekaboo or hide and seek or something with your kids that really lights them up and like it totally changes things and it changes your perspective and does allow you to like delight in them. So I love that you said that because I think that’s not typical, like that would not be my first choice is like you are really grinding my gears right now. Let’s have fun and laugh together. But it does, like smiling, makes you smile more. And I think that’s incredible. I love so much of what you had said about you know, it’s you doing the internal work. It’s also allowing yourself to like to humble yourself to allow the Lord to humble you for you to apologize to your kids. Like how I was raised like no, adults do not apologize to children. And I do; there’s been so many times I’ve had to be like going to my son and apologizing to him because I raised my voice at him or something of that nature. But I was just like, I don’t want to be that parent. And that’s not how I want my son responding to me or even to teach him that’s how we respond to others in situations like that. And so I love that you brought that up.
Sasha Star Robertson 6:28
I love that you said it’s the power of Jesus and inviting him in every day. If it weren’t for him, I like I do not know how nonbelievers parent at all? Like I, in that sense, I understand like the mommy needs her wine culture and, and different stuff like that because I need him every day. And parenting is a sanctification process of its own. And I did not realize this when I begged to be a mother for 10 years. So, it’s been a difficult adjustment of expectations for me for sure. But I love that you brought up Zephaniah 3:17 And God delights over us and wow, what a takeaway if that’s the only thing I’ve heard you say today. That was powerful to me to know, Okay, God delights in me, and he delights in my children. I should delight in my children, but then we should also delight in him and so it’s just this beautiful circle of love and grace and just beauty. So thank you so much for talking about all of that. I want to let you just share off the walls here. But I am just dying to know what is the connected families framework? I’ve not heard of that before. And so would you mind explaining that to us a little bit?
Joy Wendling 7:46
Yeah, absolutely. So connected families is an amazing ministry. You can find them online at connectedfamilies.org. They have a lot of really wonderful resources for parents. They have courses; they’ve got a couple of books. Their main course is called discipline that connects with your child’s heart. And that’s how I found them a few years ago is through well through the book of the same name. And then I went and took their course online. And I’ve just fallen in love with their framework and it is all about connecting with your child and connecting with Jesus. And then letting the discipline flow through that. And they have a ton of wonderful tools. And so I recently started their parent-coach certification program. So I get to go more in-depth with all of their materials, tools, horses, and then I get to walk alongside other parents and introduce them to this and so it’s got four main messages.
Joy Wendling 9:02
And the first message is a message that, these are all messages we want our kids to hear, through our parenting and through our discipline. So the first one is child, you’re safe with me. And that’s we want our children to feel emotionally safe, physically and spiritually. And then child you are loved no matter what. The third one is you are called and capable. And then finally, child you are responsible for your actions. And so what I love is so often parents, we will say, Oh, how do I fix this issue about my kid? How do I make my kid behave? And that’s the last step in the framework.
Joy Wendling 9:56
And the first part of this is all about being a safe parent. And so that’s that connecting with Jesus daily and taking time to pray before you talk to your child about you know, whatever situation is going on making sure you’re calm. Make sure your kids know that you’re not going to, you know, spout scripture at them to punish them. You know, that you’re using scripture lovingly, and that we’re pointing our kids to Jesus in an authentic way, as opposed to a scary way which can happen when we’re so overwhelmed as parents and we’re just like, Jesus says, If you love me, obey me. You know, we just want our kids, if you love me, obey me. It is true that Jesus said that, but that’s not the heart. He didn’t, you know, make his disciples follow him out of fear.
Joy Wendling 11:03
It was all love-based, and so that’s what I love about connected families is that it helps us as parents to become a safe person who draws on the power of the Holy Spirit to, you know, grow us and continue to sanctify us through parenting. And then we get to share this unconditional love with our kids. Then we get to call out the gifts that God has given them that they may be using in poor ways and help to redirect them and give them the skills to use those gifts to glorify God and bless others. And then finally, once we’ve been through all that other work, then we can correct our kids and, you know, help them to see that they’re responsible for their actions, but all of those other things need to be in place before we can do it in a really loving, faithful way that points our kids towards a God who loves them unconditionally as well.
Sasha Star Robertson 12:12
Wow, powerful. I totally get why you, like ran to this. I’m in love already. I’m gonna say you’re hired because I just feel so good after hearing you explain that. A couple of things that you said, that I am just like, woohoo, was you did it first. You fell in love with it because you walked through it yourself and then you’re like, This is good stuff. I want to be certified in this to teach others and I think recently we just had on a podcast a therapist who teaches it’s a different kind of like parenting but similarly connected. I don’t think it’s faith-based. It’s definitely psychology-based, right, because well… I’m not saying this isn’t. But the same thing, when her kids were little she went through this program, and now her kids are older and she’s like nobody here in Alaska where we are, is certified to do this. And so she’s like this had such a positive impact on my parenting and my relationship with my kids. I’m gonna get certified in this to teach people to do it. And so I love that. It’s not just like, oh, that sounds cool. Let me go ahead and do that. You were like this. I’m gonna do it for me. And then wow, it works. It’s great. I believe in this. I’m gonna go for it.
Sasha Star Robertson 13:31
And the four messages are just so incredibly powerful. I think about when I see a lot of parenting coaches who are from Tik Tok or Instagram or whatever it is you know, gentle parenting coaches or different things like that. For me when I see them sometimes I feel a lot of guilt around it because like, they’re telling me I should be parenting in a way that just, I mean, I don’t know, some of it’s not founded in scripture or very biblical, right but it’s like it’s I don’t even know I that’s the only thing that I could say about it, really. Whereas when you just went through and explained all of this, I’m like, this is Grace-based parenting. And it just, it makes me feel so good because yeah, I want my child to hear and know and live with all of those messages. The one that really resonates with me for certain is the called and capable. Like I did not, I was not raised in the church by believing parents and so definitely a different experience. But I see parents to now older youth in our church who have this message, they believe that they are called and capable. They’re already 16 years old living in their gifts. Their gifts are already more developed than some adults that I’ve met. And a little bit, it twinges a little bit of like jealousy in me right, like man, I wish I had that much support and encouragement and like I received those messages.
Sasha Star Robertson 14:57
But really, it’s like no, this was just an example of like, how I could show up in a different way and the kind of parent I want to be to my children. And so I just wanted to share that because that part of your message in this connected families framework really resonated with me, and then the part where you said in different words, but basically like I’m a firm believer of this, too, we can’t fix the fruit without getting to the root. And all of our actions and behaviors stem from our thoughts and beliefs and our feelings. And that’s essentially what this framework is like designed naturally to overcome with parenting our children, and that we really get to the root of those beliefs and those messages that the kids are carrying about themselves, their relationship with us, and their relationship with the Lord. before we’re even trying to correct any of those behaviors. So for me, I’m sold like, I’m in.
Sasha Star Robertson 15:53
So, I want to know about the other part of what you do, too, is the discipline and discipleship using play, because I think this is super exciting. And I agree and one of the things that you had said earlier was about you know, even as adults and as moms we need to play and you’re talking about, you know, turning on the music and just howling with your kids and whatever else. I’m a huge advocate for play. My son is only two and a half but we’re already homeschooling and everybody’s like you’re homeschooling him already like you’re taking his, you know, childhood away and imagination. I’m like, No, we do it playing where it’s like it’s fun, it’s interactive, and like now everything, everything he sees he wants to tell me what color it is. So, touch more on this discipline and discipleship using play. I’m curious about that, too.
Joy Wendling 16:41
Yes. So, play is, especially in kids, is the way God created their brains to grow and learn. It is also the way that they best develop bonds with other people. And that’s not even just true for kids. That’s true in us as adults as well. There is a quote, and I can’t, I think it may be GK Chesterton, who said you can learn more about a person in one hour of play, than, you know, in some number of hours of conversation, but just the power of play, for us to grow and to learn and also to build relationships is huge. And so I have you know looked at how the brain works with play and I love to study and do research on Play and child development. And I’m just taking all of what I’ve heard from this secular research and knowing that I want my kids to know God, and to know that he permeates everything and is in control of everything. If play is the way they learn, then I want them to learn about God through play, as well.
Joy Wendling 18:14
And if this is a really powerful tool in, you know, preschool and kindergarten, then it’s got to be for faith as well. And so that as we are helping our kids’ brains to grow and develop and making connections in their brains, you know, through the day for littles or even early elementary school. If we can be building God into their play, then we can be naturally building him into these connections in their brains. And so that as they grow, it’s not a new thing for them to say, oh, you know, this science it works. You know, scientists say that, that the rain comes because of this and this, but I know that God designed the clouds to collect the rain and then to release it and you know, and we’ve learned this through play, and they’ve built these connections from childhood that God is just in all of it. And so I like to say we can add faith to play or we can add play to our faith, and that we need to do both of them.
Joy Wendling 19:34
And so adding play to faith would be you know, making your prayer time playful, and not necessarily all the time, you know, but sometimes I like to let my kids build like if they’re been having, like if they’re scared of something we can make it with clay with Playdoh. And then we can like pray about it. And then we pretend that God smashes the fears and we you know, smash the Playdoh. And so we’ve added a little bit of play to our faith. And then but we can also add faith to play by saying you know, my kids are playing with baby dolls, and I can come and join them in their planes. Do you know of any babies in the Bible? Do you remember when Moses was a baby, what happened to him as a baby? Oh, he was putting a river. Let’s find a basket for your baby. Let’s you know and take what they’re already doing and add a little bit of faith to that.
Sasha Star Robertson 20:39
Incredible. Thank you for saying that because that was going to be one of the first questions that I asked you is like, okay, so what does this look like? Can you give us an example? And that’s exactly what you did. Both ways around. So, I feel like as adults in this like, busy, right, it’s a very busy, fast-paced, productive world that we’re in. I think it’s so easy to forget to play to forget even what play is I was gonna be like, Can you define play? In reality, I think about you know, some of my best friends that I have, and the closest relationships that I have with people are the ones that I’ve had fun with. The ones that we have had game nights together, and the ones that we have gone to like a craft night or paint night or something where we actually got to just play and have fun instead of just sitting around and having conversations together or whatever else. And then I know people that I’ve only had conversations with, there tends to be a little bit more of a distance in our relationship. So as soon as you had said that both like with you know, it’s the way that God created kids to grow, learn and bond, but it’s the same way with us too.
Sasha Star Robertson 21:51
And my husband actually said this the other day, which I think kind of relates to this he was talking about. He thinks it’s so weird how school is structured, because, like, it seems like all the studies and science shows and everyone that you talk to that sitting there being lectured at is not the best way that you learn. You learn by doing you learn by having your hands on and practicing it yourself. But yet, you know, most college classes are like in a lecture-based format and like reading a book, and a majority of people would not say that they learn that way. And I think it’s important like so many do learn through playing. And so thank you for saying that. Thank you for these examples. Is there anything else like any tips or takeaways that you would love to share with the audience, anything that God is pressing on your heart like these people need to know?
Joy Wendling 22:45
I think what yeah, play can look so different for different people. For me, some days play is a really good cup of tea. Like, you know, I just if I need a little break, I can make a really good cup of tea and just sit and enjoy that, you know, with a book or maybe with some worship music, and so play sometimes can be very quiet and you know, and personal. But play can also be big vacations, you know, or going to the park or, you know, a bubble bath for your kids. Play doesn’t have to look a certain way. And I think being a student of your child and learning what makes them engage in play is really important as a parent and so you want to introduce your kid to ways that you like to play as well as engaging in things that they like to play. So sometimes I like to pull out my you know, big people craft supplies, and I will then get my kids their own art supplies and we’ll sit and do things together. But it’s based on you know, not them saying, hey, I want to paint but me feeling like oh, I need to create something I need, you know, I need to play and so inviting them into my own play. But then sometimes it’s child-led as well. And I think both of those are really important.
Joy Wendling 24:30
And then that my other tip would be, say yes, as much as possible. And I mean kids hear No, all the time. And so when we can find ways to safely say yes. And whether it means we’re being interrupted or we’re having to change our schedule, like take that opportunity to make your kids feel like they are worth it. Because they are, and I mean not all day every day. You can’t say yes, all the time. And especially if you don’t know how to play with your kids. And, you know, you sit down with them and they’re like, Okay, we’re gonna play cars. Yes! What would you, you know, how do you want me to play with my car? Where’s my car going? You know, let your kid take the lead. And it’s really empowering for them. And it helps them build executive function in their brain and helps them to be able to make choices and decisions and it helps them so much to let them lead.
Sasha Star Robertson 25:47
Yes. I love that. That’s so powerful. I just did that with my son the other day. I was like, Okay, well what do you want to play? And so he took me into the toy room and wanted to play with his little race car track and he handed me a car and he told me where to put it and he told me to push the button and I was just like, Okay, this is what he wants to do. I’m just gonna go ahead and do it. So, thank you for saying that. You make him feel like I did something good.
Joy Wendling 26:12
You did!
Sasha Star Robertson 26:13
So, Joy if people wanted to connect with you to learn more from you, to find out how to work with you in the future, or about your podcast, where do they find you?
Joy Wendling 26:26
My blog createdtoplay.com would be a great place also on Instagram. My name is Created To Play there as well. And the podcast again is called Playfully Faithful Parenting.
Sasha Star Robertson 26:43
Okay, awesome. And I will include all of those links in the show notes so you guys will have easy access to snag those and last question before we jump off joy. What does intentional abundance mean to you?
Joy Wendling 26:59
So I’ve been thinking about that. And I just the verse, John 10:10 jumps out to me, and it’s always been one of my favorite verses. And just recently I shared a podcast episode about parenting out of abundance and abundant life as opposed to fear. And so to me intentional abundance is just letting go of the fears that you’re not going to please God and that you’re not going to be enough and just living in the freedom that Christ died for. I mean, he says he came to give us this abundant life and taking him up on that offer to me is intentional abundance like, you know, saying yes, playing, enjoying your life, enjoying the blessings that God has given us.
Sasha Star Robertson 27:59
Absolutely. That’s the verse that brought this about. God gave me John 10:10 and just abundance really stuck out to me in that verse and it’s the verse, it’s on the back of my Bible handpainted it’s like the main verse of intentional abundance and everything. So, I’m so grateful that you have brought that up. Thank you, Lord. About this abundant parenting off the top of your head. Do you know what podcast episode that is? Or it just has the abundant parenting in the title?
Joy Wendling 28:31
It’s in. It does. It’s in in the 30s.
Sasha Star Robertson 28:35
Okay. I’m definitely going to be listening to that.
Joy Wendling 28:40
Early 30s; Episode 33.
Sasha Star Robertson 28:43
33 Perfect. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on today. Joy. I’ve learned so much from you. I’m in love. I’m in love with this connected families framework that you shared about. I’m definitely gonna be reaching out through your length about some of the things that you are offering right now. Because I just think what you have to share, it doesn’t mean I’m a bad mom. It just means I’m ready to do what it takes to be an even better mom to be more connected and playing with my son because honestly, I’m not the best I see mess and I want to like clean up or whatever else. So I love what you have to offer. Thank you for sharing those tips and just your story with us. It’s been so powerful and so impactful for me and I know it’s going to inspire and help others as well. So, thank you, Joy. Thank you to all of our listeners and I hope you all have a blessed day.
Joy Wendling 29:40
Thank you
Intentional Momlife with Jesus 