069: 5 best parenting tips we’ve received that change the way we do momlife and dadlife with Robbie Robertson

Summary

In this episode recurring guest and Sasha husband, Robbie Robertson, and her share 5 of the best parenting tips they’ve received that have really changed they way they go about their relationship with their son.

These 5 tips for parenting are ones you likely haven’t heard before. Many have everything to do with YOU as mom or dad and how you‘re showing up. 

Recurring Special Guest, and Sasha's Husband, Robert Robertson is back on the podcast to share about the top 5 parenting tips they've ever received.

Listen in, then come on over to the Intentional Abundance Community and share your favorite one, or join in the discussion on the topic of the best parenting tips around! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

Transcription

Sasha Star Robertson 0:10
Hello sisters and welcome back to another episode of the Intentional Abundant Life podcast I’m your host Sasha Star Robertson. And today we have another episode with the one the only, Robbie Robertson, and today we are talking about some of the best parenting tips we have ever received. And y’all it’s good. Some of the stuff might seem a little basic for some of you, but it’s changed the way we show up as parents how we parent, and truly our relationship with our son as well. So let’s do this jingle and then we will dive right in.

Sasha Star Robertson 0:50
Jingle

Sasha Star Robertson 1:47
Alright, so here we go. We were actually just talking before we hit record, and I was like, I don’t know if I should have you on the podcast anymore, Robbie. Like, I don’t know if these episodes are hitting home with the audience, right? Who wants to hear from my husband? I know we have great conversations. But then I was looking back at the statistics, and we just looked. Out of the top 14 episodes y’all have listened to Robbie is on like five of them, which is, that’s a pretty high number.

Robbie Robertson 2:20
I feel pretty privileged.

Sasha Star Robertson 2:23
You’re the guest that shows up the most. But I mean, you’ve got some pretty high numbers on your listen and downloads per episode. So I think I’ll keep you around for the sake of my numbers. No, really, it sounds like y’all are getting some value from this. I’ve heard some feedback on some specific episodes that you guys have really liked. And we just really, really love bringing this information to you guys. Because even if one thing we say can help you in marriage, in faith, in between your relationships, your family dynamics, and then today’s episode about parenting, then we’re all for it. What do you say, Robbie?

Robbie Robertson 2:59
I’m just excited to be here. And I think it’s always, it’s such a fun time. We always have good discussions. So, even if it was like, you know, every episode with me was like your bottom-most I’d still love to be here just because I like spending time with you. And I like what we get to talk about.

Sasha Star Robertson 3:12
Alright, well, if y’all want to weigh in on this debate, keep Robbie or kick him out the door… No, I’m just kidding. But you can totally jump into the Intentional Abundance Life. Really, it’s the Intentional Abundance Community. Jump into the Intentional Abundance Community and let us know, Do you love these episodes with Robbie? Do you not so much? We might keep… We’ll probably keep him around to the end of this year, regardless if you like him or not. And then we’ll go from there. But…

Robbie Robertson 3:41
Gee thanks. You’re so gracious.

Sasha Star Robertson 3:45
Today we’re gonna jump into these parenting tips that we have for y’all. We’ve titled this episode five of the best parenting tips that we have ever received. And y’all there’s a lot more than five that we could probably come up with. But these are some of the ones that people had mentioned to us in passing or we learned from our parenting coach, or Tiktok. And they really resonated with us. They’ve really changed the way that we go about parenting, how we show up in our parenting relationship, and how we interact with each other and our kids.

Sasha Star Robertson 4:16
So, starting off number one is to ask the question, we learned this it was through the connected families framework and our coach was joy Wendling. She has been on the podcast; she’s in the Intentional Abundance Community. And she’s a connected families framework certified coach, I think. She does way more than that. Playfully Faithful Parenting is her podcast. You can go check that out. But this is one of the number one things that we learned in the program is asking what is going on in me?

Sasha Star Robertson 4:45
I think a lot of times we can come into these situations especially little kids where we can just become Uber frustrated in the moment if they’re overreacting or maybe not listening or you know made a mistake or accident or something else where it’s something actually that’s going on with us. Either our schedule’s too loaded, we feel really rushed, we feel really busy, they’re not listening, and we’re making it mean something about us or there’s something else completely unrelated to this parenting, parent-child relationships or dynamic, unrelated to even the circumstance that’s going on sometimes that we have emotional triggers or responses or whatever going on with us.

Sasha Star Robertson 5:31
And so taking a moment, taking a breath, before we respond to our kids, has been so incredibly helpful for us to just sit and ask like, Okay, what is going on with me? Why am I so triggered? Why am I so frustrated in this moment right now? And how can I, address me before going into the situation of addressing the circumstance or what’s going on in them?

Robbie Robertson 5:59
Yeah, I feel like a lot of outside factors that will occur to us during the day will dictate how we respond to different situations. We can be presented with the same scenario of like say your kid knocked… This actually happened a few weeks ago. Your kid knocks over your coffee mug and it was a nice coffee mug that got destroyed that my wife bought me. It was a special gift. It wasn’t anything like extremely expensive; it wasn’t made out of like unobtainium. But it was meaningful, you know, it had meaning to me. And then my son looked me dead in the face and pushed it off the table and it shattered on the ground.

Robbie Robertson 6:32
And I handled that moment, surprisingly, with a fair amount of grace because, one, I’d gotten some of the coffee out of the cup. I was angry with him, but I dealt with it really well, because I was like, Okay, this is what happened, you did this, you need to go stand in timeout, you need to help Daddy clean this up. And that’s what it is. Had I just come home from a really rough day at work and that exact same thing would have happened and this would have been just another thing on the pile, I probably would have blown up at him.

Robbie Robertson 6:57
And I know this because there are other times when I’ve totally blown up at him before, and it wasn’t always totally fair to him. And now regardless of whether he was in the wrong and deserving of it, that’s besides the point because we’re not talking about my kid, we’re not talking about our kids, we’re talking about US! We get to make that choice every day but those outside factors they will trickle in and they will weigh on us and they will tug on us in a big way.

Sasha Star Robertson 7:22
I think, yeah, some of those things for me that I noticed is like a thread or a theme is, if I have too much on my schedule, if I’m lacking on sleep, if I’m in a rush to try and get something done, or if I’m, like, very distracted into something I want to be doing, not paying attention to the kid, you know, and then something happens. Those are moments where it’s definitely, it’s all about me and what’s going on in me, that ends up being, it turns into this very, triggering moment for me where I can have a tendency to not respond and I just have to stop and say, okay, Sasha, you’re only like really upset about this because you’re in a hurry. It’s better to be five minutes late than to like allow this to like come in between the relationship with your son. So, definitely asking what’s going on in me?

Robbie Robertson 8:14
Absolutely. And as the adult in the dynamic, you know, the child is only going to be responsive as a child, whereas the adult, we have the blessing and the curse of being self-reflective. So we can, we have the ability to take that minute. And when we make the conscious choice, the conscientious choice not to take that minute, that’s us failing, not the child. It’s never honestly on the kid for the emotional response evoked from you, but they are responsible for their actions. And I’m not saying that they’re not accountable or responsible for their actions, and that doesn’t need to be dealt with.

Robbie Robertson 8:47
But I kind of think in car terms when it comes to how you react and respond to this. And like I think the biggest takeaway is to take a minute. So, in your car suspension, you have shocks, and if you have blown shocks and you hit a bump, what happens to your car, it bottoms out, bounces all over the place. The car does every kind of thing you want it to do or everything kind of thing it will do except exactly what you want it to do, which is stop bouncing around. If you have good shocks, they absorb it, everything kind of compresses, it comes back and you get settled back into your normal drive sooner. Most of the time you don’t even notice the big bump in the road.

Robbie Robertson 9:24
We’re the same way. You need that minute as your shock. Because if you don’t have your shocks in order, if your shocks are blown, the car bounces around for too long. You bounce around for too long. You’re now left in a cycle of being aggravated and frustrated and not being able to properly deal with what’s going on. And it’s a very strong possibility that your reaction and response to how your child was acting is going to instigate them even further because your frustration is going to flood them they’re going to sense your feelings and pick up on it and it’s just going to be fire meeting fire and it’s going to get, it can very easily get back. I know you know what I’m talking about out there because you’ve definitely been through it.

Sasha Star Robertson 10:07
I think that is a whole other tip that we didn’t have on our list. Don’t match their energy. They are a child, regardless of their age, baby, toddler, you know, young adolescent, where they’re less emotionally regulated than you, or at least they should be, right. We as adults have a greater responsibility in a moment in regulating our emotions. Although some of us have been pretty ill-equipped to do so, depending on how we were raised. But I just wanted to touch back on this whole thing Robbie said about, you have failed. We’re gonna give a tip here shortly that has to do with that. So, if you’re clinging and hanging on that, you have failed, we have a way to overcome that here in a moment.

Robbie Robertson 11:02
Yeah. And if we’re gonna throw scripture on this, if you need proof then it’s in James 1:19, Therefore, my beloved brethren let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. Listen to your kids, don’t you speak up too quickly, and don’t get mad at him too fast, because they’re gonna screw up again. But they’re also gonna be really cute again, too, which is really helpful. Another tip that we’d gotten into this is one of my favorites. We actually learned this from one of your coaches. I remember it was a day that, I don’t remember if we were, it was an invitation for the spouses to be on the call that day or if I just happened to be dropping eaves because that’s like one of my favorite things to do during some Sasha’s coaching calls.

Robbie Robertson 11:44
It was totally unrelated to the subject matter of what the coaching call was just like a little aside at the end, and the guy teaching said the best advice I ever got when my kids turned about two years old and they moved into their toddler beds They got a clock in their room with an alarm and it said, or I don’t know if they had an alarm, just a clock and it said when this says 8:30, eight three zero, then you are allowed to get up and you cannot get up before then. And he gave his children responsibility over their bodies, responsibility over their actions, responsibility over their character to honor that, and to have the responsibility to only get up at or after 8:30. And it was always okay for them to sleep till after 8:30, but getting up before then was not okay.

Robbie Robertson 12:36
And this was a huge cornerstone for him that we implemented almost immediately after our son moved from his crib to his toddler bed and he could get up. And we go through seasons of it being a little bit of a battle, but we’ve really held the line of you know, he gets up at seven o’clock. Nope. Gotta go back to bed. And we actually use an automated light because not sure he can read the clock quite yet. The light is pretty clear, you know, lights off you stay in bed. If the light’s on you can get up.

Sasha Star Robertson 13:08
Yeah, I think it’s really cool because somebody had mentioned to me too about… Before he was in his toddler bed, before we had implemented any of this, they mentioned to me about this Okay to Wake Light or something along those lines. So we opted for the Hatch Light is what it’s called. And you can just snag it on Amazon or whatever. I don’t like to promote Amazon, especially after somebody just stole my husband’s birthday present out of a package in the mail, pretty sore about that, as you can tell. We just ordered it on Amazon, I think you can go to hatch.com Probably and order it.

Sasha Star Robertson 13:44
The really cool thing about the Hatch Light is you can control it from your phone, you can set all these different sounds or lights, and you can set schedules that will turn on and off automatically. So, we have it every day automatically turn on the light at 8:30. So it’s really cool we can have these schedules. And if he ever gets up out of bed before 8:30, we always just ask him, Is your light on? And he knows now, and we even started this before he went to his toddler bed. We’ve had the light for over a year now. We started it when he was in his crib, and just kind of training him in that way that if the light’s not on, you need to stay in your room, at least.

Sasha Star Robertson 14:30
And so it’s grown since then, he’s allowed to be up if he wakes up before that and he’s adamant about being awake, he can stay awake, he can turn his lights on, he can read books in his room, but he’s not to come out of his room until 8:30 unless he needs to go to the toilet. So it’s been a really cool thing. There have been times that my mom or Robbie, you know can sometimes get a little bit weaker with it where it’s like, He doesn’t stay in bed so I just let him up. I’m the one that’s like very, very strict and very like… I feel like I have good discipline about it, and so usually he doesn’t fight me on it anymore. Obviously at first with training anything new you will. So either if you’re using a little clock or Okay to Wake Light or a Hatch Light, anything like that, getting your kid into this routine very early on can really help you, even as a mom, respect that morning time where you rise before your kid to work on your relationship with God, read scripture, pray, your Bible, self-time, whatever else, it has been an amazing, amazing thing in our life.

Robbie Robertson 15:36
Yeah, I’ve found it to be when I was working day shift, which I’m getting ready to go back to. We were both waking up at the same time in the morning, and you had literally hours in the morning before he woke up, to get yourself mentally together. And, you know, sometimes you would take a bath in the morning, sometimes you would do Bible study, you work on whatever you wanted to work on. But you had that time. So when he did wake up, you were like, ready, ready. It’s not like right now, where, Thankfully, this is my last week on this shift. I get home at three o’clock in the morning, and you’ve got calls at six or seven. And the next thing you know, the child is awake, and I’m running on five hours of sleep or you’re running on less than five hours of sleep. And can you imagine what life would be like if he was just getting up at 6:00 versus 8:30? It would be un… It wouldn’t even be a habitable lifestyle.

Sasha Star Robertson 16:30
Definitely different. So, our next one that we want to talk about is called the do-over. This is another one that we learned from the connected families framework with Joy. And honestly y’all it’s been a godsend for me because in learning this framework, in the beginning, I was just, it was a big process. I would almost say like re-parenting myself. And then even like in those moments where I would mess up, which was frequently, where I would lose my temper, I would get upset, or I would raise my voice or whatever else – trust me our home is not like a battlefield, we have a good home a lot of the time. But just sometimes in these moments where I wasn’t checking what’s going on in me and then addressing things in a proper manner, I would tap into this frequently and it’s the do-over.

Sasha Star Robertson 17:19
And the way it works is, a few minutes ago when Robbie’s like if you are not regulating your emotions, if you’ve done whatever x, y, and z, then you failed as the parent. It’s perfect for those moments. So for the moments where, you know, my son spills milk all over the floor, right, don’t cry over spilled milk. But if it’s in the middle of this chaotic morning, where you’re trying to get out the door, and you’ve got, you know, your phone’s blowing up and your husband’s working overtime, or whatever else, all like a perfect storm of a situation where just that milk being spilled was like the camel, the what is it called the needle?

Robbie Robertson 17:58
The straw that broke the camel’s back.

Sasha Star Robertson 18:01
The straw that broke the camel’s back. I always get these like metaphors or analogies or whatever, like totally wrong. So yeah, that was just the last straw, kind of a thing that made me lose my temper and raise my voice and yell, as soon as I recognize, whoa, Sasha, you messed up. I will exercise the do-over and I will go back to my son and I will say, hey, look, Mommy did not respond well, in that situation. I was very rushed. And I was very frustrated and frazzled already. And when you spilled the milk, I did not do really well in handling that moment. So I’m coming back to you to say I’m sorry, can I have a do-over?

Sasha Star Robertson 18:42
And then what we’ll do is kind of I don’t want to say roleplay. But I’ll ask for his apology. And I will say, you know, next time or what I would like to redo is if you spilled the milk, I would say Oh, I’m sorry, Bud. That was probably an accident, wasn’t it? Can you help mommy clean that up? Instead of me yelling at him and telling him to go to the corner while I angrily clean up this mess and so just X Just sizing the opportunity to do it over in the event that you do. lose your cool, make a mistake, whatever else. It’s not the end. It’s just a hiccup.

Robbie Robertson 19:20
Then there are some ultra good subconscious benefits to doing this to where your kids are a, they’re seeing you vulnerable and human like hey, I’ve made a mess Take, and that you are finding reconciliation through the mistake and like how many things are caught, not taught. So if your kids are seeing you have an emotional reaction, which they’re prone to, recognizing it, and then rolling it back in and saying, Hey, this is where I messed up, I’m coming to you apologizing for how this went, you’re not off the hook, you’re still going to be accountable, but I’m taking accountability for my actions, they’re going to have more inherent respect for you. It’s also going to lead to a lot less egg showing around the house, which is something that I remember going through as a kid.

Robbie Robertson 20:04
I grew up in a household where a lot of emotional reactions happened. And then once the emotional reaction happened, that was just the the flavor of the year for the rest of the day. And there was no coming back from it. I don’t know if it was ego or somebody that was not self reflective, whatever it may be, I never had the opportunity to roll it back and do the do over and then just be accountable for the thing that I did and not accountable for the thing that I did and my parents emotions in that.

Robbie Robertson 20:31
So that’s a really good way to help your kids emotionally mature, but then I wouldn’t be surprised, we haven’t seen yet obviously because our kids two and a half, if they do something and then they come back and say mommy daddy I want to do-over but we’re definitely posturing for that to be a possibility. We’re we’re cultivating that that environment and I think it’s a healthy one because let me when I’m at work and I mess up if I own up to what I usually get off pretty much scot free. I mean, aside from like the basic accountability portions of it.

Robbie Robertson 21:08
Next thing I’d like to chat about is something that, Tik Tok is now making an entrance. This is a Tik Tok find and it works amazingly. If you take away no other tip today, this is the one that will work almost instantaneously. And that is logic overcoming tantrums. So I’ll give you the basic science behind it and then we’ll give you some practical examples and then we’ll kind of go from there. So when a child is in a tantrum it is using a different part of their brain, I forget if it’s the medulla or… It’s a different part of the brain that’s in kind of the central and the back part. And it just takes over as the driver and your brain can only do one main function at a time. I’m sure that everybody’s heard the phrase, you know, you can’t feel pain in two places at once.

Robbie Robertson 21:56
Or you know, if you if you’re hurting in one place and scratch another place, and it’ll relieve the sensation of a pain. If you’ve ever seen Major Pain, he will break your finger. But you’re not thinking about you’re arm anymore. But you might feel a little pressure. This is similar logic except all the fingers will be intact by the end of it. So what you do is you challenge your children with a logical questions and logical questions at their level. What you’re doing is you’re trying to pull them out of that tantrum place where they’re crying and stamping their feet and wailing. And they’re just completely upset and seeing total red.

Robbie Robertson 22:31
So we start asking basic questions. Hey, Bud what color’s this? How many of these are here? You know, if there’s a curtain that’s got a couple of moose on it, just, you know, we live in Alaska, there’s moose on everything. How many moose do you see? Oh, 123. What color is your shirt, it’s red. You get any sort of once you get through the chink of that armor, and you get a single response and you keep challenging him with questions, what you’re doing is shifting the focus to the frontal lobe, which is the logic center of the brain. It will immediately end the tantrum now, they can go back into it. So you you’re in delicate ground here. But with a little practice and a little massaging and understanding your kid, you can actually suppress a tantrum and get back to a logical place and then move out of the tantrum stage, instead of letting it run its course.

Sasha Star Robertson 23:23
Yeah, I think it’s really cool too that you can you can work with this a little bit like he said, asking age appropriate questions but it doesn’t mean like because you’re like, Hey what color is this, and they don’t say red, you can ask like, Oh is this blue? And sometimes kids are like, No, you know it’s read you know so just find a way that works with your kid to ask these questions whether they know colors, whether they know shapes, whether they know numbers, letters, animals, counting, and whatever else it is, ask logical questions on their level. And it works like a charm.

Sasha Star Robertson 24:00
We actually did this a couple of weeks ago with a friend’s toddler who had already had a cookie or two cookies or whatever. And he had just like, helped himself to another cookie. And they were like, Oh, no slow down, Bud like, and the parents had to have a discussion of like, How many cookies is he had? Is it okay to have another one? And they’re like, Okay, well, you can have another one, if you ask, you know, for correctly, instead of just helping yourself. And he lost it. Like he was not in a place to ask, Can I have a cookie, please? He was in a place of like, he already grabbed the cookie, he already got he was having the cookie, and the cookie was taken away from him. So it’s just sheer meltdown, screaming, crying, maybe even like some kicking or pushing things.

Sasha Star Robertson 24:00
And so Robbie politely asked, like, can I try something? And they’re like, Yeah, whatever. Like, he’s just doing this all the time now. It’s just this phase we’re going through. And so Robbie started asking the questions, but he wasn’t having it with Robbie, like, still stayed in this tantrum. And then I started asking questions and, and just like shifting a little bit the way that you were asking them, and I was trying to tell him like his, his shirt was blue, or it had a butterfly on it. And he was like, No, it’s a green dinosaur or something like that. So it worked a little bit at first, but then we had to still keep going and still keep asking these logical questions to progress him further, like, fully pull him out of the emotional part of the brain into the logical part of the brain.

Sasha Star Robertson 25:23
And then it was, you know, now all you need to do is ask, Can I have a cookie, please? And then he got the cookie. And so it was really, really cool to just like, watch this work in an environment that, it wasn’t our kid that we had just continued to keep trying this on. It was somebody else’s kid and honestly, I think it can even work on us sometimes to like, if we are in these manic states. Yeah, it’s like we are feeling very emotional. Like ask yourself logical questions to really take those thoughts captive in the moment. And it’s just like a grounding exercise that can pull you out of those emotional like fight or flight states and into using what you know is true and logical questions to shift like where you’re coming from.

Robbie Robertson 26:14
The one part to that which actually really coincides with our very first point of what’s going on in me? And this is a little bit of responsibility that most people probably don’t want to hear. I know I don’t want to say it, but I know it to be true. So I’m gonna say it now, and I hope it doesn’t get thrown on my face in the future. You have to want to come out of your tantrum state. And I think a lot of times because you know, anger is a defense mechanism, and angry is honestly kind of a comfortable place. We decide we want to stay in that spot for whatever reason and you have to make the decision like that won’t be like this anymore. I don’t want to be mad right now, I have other things to do. If you can make that decision, then you start asking yourself those logical questions, you’ll come out of it. But if you’re determined to be in a bad mood, you’re going to ask yourself bad mood questions. So be on the lookout for that. Because it’s very easy to fall into that state. And you’re a grown up, you know, better.

Sasha Star Robertson 27:10
Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. And I spent a lot of time like stuck in emotional states before. I had a lot to learn. You know, thankfully, going into my late 20s and early 30s, I’ve grown immensely in that area. But I’ve definitely been guilty of that for a long time in my life, and probably still currently at times.

Robbie Robertson 27:31
I have my days, I guarantee I have my days.

Sasha Star Robertson 27:34
So the last one that we are going to get into today, number five is giving intentional time to your kids before they get to a place of having to fight for it. And I don’t even know if this is a tip that somebody gave us like, or if this is just something that I picked up. If you’re in the business world all or you’ve been to business school, it’s kind of the idea of a lead measure over a lag measure. A lot of times we’ll see, and we even saw this the other day where we were like in the middle of video watching one of our favorite shows and everything was cool at first, you know, and and then our son was just like really wanting our attention, but we were trying to watch the show so we weren’t in a position of wanting to give it to him.

Sasha Star Robertson 28:13
So then, and you’ll see this with kids all the time. Like if you’re a parent, you know exactly what I’m talking about, where they will start fighting for your attention. Like they’ll hit the dog or they’ll intentionally do something they know they’re not supposed to do or they’ll be jumping around in your face or on your lap or whatever else whatever they can do to get your attention because now they’re in a position where they have to fight for it. And you’ll hear this a lot where it’s like Attention for kids, even if it’s negative attention, even if it’s attention where they’re being disciplined, or whatever else, they will do anything that they have to, to get the attention that they feel like they need.

Sasha Star Robertson 28:52
And so I’ve found when, you know, Robbie gets home from work and gives him an intentional focus or when we wake up in the morning, you know, if I sit at the table and eat breakfast with him, and then give him like some undivided attention, first thing in the morning, it’s a lot easier for me to say, Okay, now you go play with this while I do whatever else. It puts him in a position where he feels like he has been given attention where his cup is filled up a little bit, where his needs have been met, where, where he’s important enough to have attention paid to. Then he’s able to go off and do his own thing. But if he doesn’t get that time upfront, then he is kind of in this position of wondering, am I going to get this? And how do I go about getting this. And sometimes it can show up in really poor behaviors. If we’re not meeting our kids needs in that way.

Robbie Robertson 29:56
I’ve also noticed that if you give that lead time to the child, like I get home from work, and I drop my bags, and immediately give him a big hug, and then we rest a little bit and then I play with him some and just take that time, even right after I get home for my bag is completely unpacked, it is less time on the clock that I have spent dedicated to satisfying my child than if he is fighting for my time. 20 minutes spent intentionally with him is better than the 50 minutes of him whining and crying and climbing and kicking and punching and running my foot over with the truck and smacking the dog and getting into stuff and turning the TV off or whatever else. The lead time seems to be higher quality than the lag time. So it tends to take less of it to fill the child’s cup just as much. But like you’re saying they crave the engagement and the more suppressive you are to that because you’re trying to do your own thing, the harder they’re going to grasp for it. So it’s it’s always a much calmer, sea when you’re upfront with it. Which isn’t easy, and it’s noisy. Sometimes you don’t want to.

More about your Podcast Host

Sasha Star Robertson is an Intentional Living & Biblical Mindset Coach for busy Christian moms, wife of 13 years to her best friend, boy mom (blessed by adoption), travel addict, and Jesus freak. She is the founder of The Intentional Abundance Co., curator of the Life & Goals Planner, & host of the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast.

Sasha Star Robertson is an Intentional Living & Biblical Mindset Coach for busy Christian moms, wife of 13 years to her best friend, boy mom (blessed by adoption), travel addict, and Jesus freak. She is the founder of The Intentional Abundance Co., curator of the Life & Goals Planner, & host of the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast.

Would you benefit from having a coach helping you live Productively Peaceful days digging into Faithful Foundations, Purposeful Priorities, Mindset Mastery, & Simple Selfcare? This question is rhetorical, everyone would! Schedule a consult with Sasha to learn more about the IAM Coaching Program and to see if you’d be a good it. https://calendly.com/intentionalabundanceco/iamconsult

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You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

068: 5 Ways Your #mombrain is Keeping You Stuck

Summary

In this episode Sasha breaks down 5 very common ways your ‘normal’ #mombrain is keeping you stuck right where you’re at. She brings encouragement that you’re not alone in this… we ALL do it… and awareness is the first step to overcoming. But also, Sasha shares some tips on how to get out of this pattern, because momma, it doesn’t have to be this way. 

Jump on a consult asap to share your heart and learn about what your life could look like January 1, 2023 after 6 months in the IAM at a price point that you literally can’t afford not to take full advantage of. This price point is only available to the first 5 ladies that jump in on it, so don’t delay because they will fly like hot cakes in a room with teenage boys in the middle of their competitive sports season.  https://calendly.com/intentionalabundanceco/iamconsult
———
You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

Transcription

0:00
Hello sisters, and welcome back to another episode of the Intentional Abundant Life podcast. I’m your host, Sasha Robertson. And today, we are talking about five reasons your #mombrain is keeping you stuck. And I’m super excited to dive into this because I feel like a lot of us as moms can feel like we’re just trying to survive another day or another season. And we’re sometimes wondering, will it ever change? When is it going to change? Why can’t I get X, Y, and Z together in order? And this is completely normal. So we’re gonna dive into this in the episode today, and I’m going to share with you these five reasons and we’re going to talk about them a little bit once we do this jingle

0:54
Jingle

1:52
Okay, so super fun right now. I am away on this little me-treat is what I’m calling it. It’s like a retreat. But just for me. I did one back at the end of 2021 and just went into the year on fire. And I was actually supposed to go on this really long 22-mile hike through a mountain pass until I find out it was all guys that were going and I’m like, I don’t want to deal with all guys. My husband was one of them. So that was exciting. But I was like, Let me let them have their guide time and my husband was like, Hey you know I know you really enjoyed yourself the last time you had like a little you retreat, staycation, whatever you want to call it where you went, got an Airbnb and you prayed and you spent time in Scripture and you looked over your business and your plan winds and made plans for your business and all that fun stuff. And he’s like you came out of that on fire. And he’s like, I think it might be time for you to do that again.

2:51
And I was like, wait, what? To have my husband propose this idea was just the greatest blessing to me to know that he sees me and all the work that I do not just in the home and for our family, but in my business in the lives of women. And so, I was like, absolutely. You know, we already had an overnight babysitter, my mom, who was going to watch our son while we went to this hike, and so it just worked out perfect.

3:19
And y’all God has been showing up As I have created the space created this quiet time to sit and think about my thoughts and my mindset and bring them to Him and reset my mind on Him to open His word, to do these Bible studies and just be in Scripture, but also to spend time in prayer, praying over my clients, praying over my business, praying over my program, and everything. He has just shown up so magnificently. And I’m super excited about that because He is like, Nope, we’re changing things again.

3:57
And so, long story short, when I started this business, it was definitely like God said, Offer coaching. And I was like wait, what? I knew nothing about the life coaching industry. I was not a coach. I did not have a certification. I was not being coached like, I knew nothing. And I was just okay Lord, and took that first obedient step. And He brought so much out of me later that year, in what was my coaching program that then changed to be something different. When I first wrote it out, it was definitely, you know, God-inspired, but there was nothing in the structure of my program that was like explicitly Him. And as I was doing market research, I kept noticing that a lot of Moms, much like myself in the very beginning, were finding it difficult to find that quiet time and to find that peace that comes from Him and to prioritize God in their life. And so that’s when he shifted it and created these faithful foundations as a huge pillar in my coaching program.

5:01
And He’s just like, No, we’re taking this deeper. And He’s had me recently in this season of being deeply rooted. And I’m just super excited because that’s what He’s calling me to then share that. And He’s just brought out so much. And so the structure is changing a little bit again; it’s still the same, we’re still talking about productively peaceful days for Christian moms. I still have the four pillars, faithful foundations, purposeful priorities, mindset mastery, and then we throw in some simple Biblical Self Care in there as well because it’s important for us as moms. But all that to say He’s just getting a little bit more refined with this process that He’s asking me to walk moms through. And just the stuff that He’s brought out and downloaded to me this weekend has been fabulous.

5:50
So all that to say that He’s also kind of shown me these five reasons why your Mom Brain is keeping you stuck. And he’s like, I’ve created this, I created this for not just me, because of course, I’m gonna listen to my own sermons and my own teachings first, right, that’s living in integrity. And it’s something that we talk about in the program. But also he’s like, created this for women, for these moms that are in your audience that are in your community, that are listening to your podcasts, that are in your sphere in your circle. And He’s like, But there’s something that’s keeping them stuck. There’s something that’s holding them back. And I think part of it is just our built-in nature to second guess ourselves to keep ourselves comfortable, to look out for danger, and make sure that we’re protecting ourselves from that.

6:42
So I’ve come up with these five reasons your #MomBrain is keeping you stuck. And I think the biggest thing to remember in all of this is they’re totally normal. This is not unique to you this is all of us. Number one is that mom life keeps you focused on what’s directly in front of you instead have the bigger picture. And this is something all of my clients have said at one time or another. It’s things that I have said at one time or another is that you’re going about your day and you’re like, Oh yeah, I have this perfect plan, if you even are to the point of making plans for your day, and then something happens, something comes up that’s right in front of you, whoever’s knocking on the door, whoever is right in your face, whoever is making the request in front of you. That’s very real. It’s very tangible. You can see it you can feel its presence, you can feel its touch.

7:38
And so our natural inclination is to go do that thing, to go serve that person, to answer that door, to go put out that fire, to go clean up that mess, and that can often get us – I don’t want to say distracted, but I think distracted is kind of the best word – distracted away from the focus of the bigger picture. Not to say, you know, our kid needing a snack is a distraction to whatever else we’re doing. Yeah, that is like our greater purpose and our greater mission here. That’s what we’re here to do is provide snacks but we’re not only here to provide snacks, and so I think that’s one of the things that I love to call out of women is like, how can we structure our days so that we’re able to pursue those things that matter those big picture things and minimize the distractions of those knocks on the door.

8:35
One example, how can we give our kids attention, the attention that they need and that they desire, in a way that limits their need to come and interrupt us in times when we’re focusing on other things. And I think that’s a big point of this main one is being aware of what’s actually going on in our lives and in our days, and then being able to make a plan or implement strategy and tools that help us do all of those things. But intentionally having these lead measures in place of like, what can I set up to make all of the things easier on me, more productive, more fulfilling, more efficient.

9:28
Number two, you’re often running on less sleep than you should be, and less ideal nutrition, because you’re always focused on meeting the needs of others. And this is another thing I love to help my clients do, and it’s something I definitely still need work in. This is not my strongest area. But as moms, we can often be woken up in the morning to our kids waking us up. And we start off on this reactive back foot approach to the day. And then we’re always doing and serving like number one, the needs of others that are always coming up and put in our face that we’re forgetting to sit down and have a nutritious breakfast. We’re just kind of grab-and-go snacking on whatever we can find or running through fast food or whatever else. And then we’re staying up late after our family goes to bed trying to fill ourselves up with these scraps of the day with these scraps of whatever we have left, thinking oh, if I just binge watch this show or just one more episode or scroll through social media a little bit more, or try and get stuff done on our to-do list when we’re, we’re actually like mentally and physically and emotionally fatigued. And then we’re staying up too late trying to do stuff with really inefficient energy and stamina. Then, we start the whole process over again.

10:53
And so, I love implementing some things like meal planning, and meal prepping. Whereas I think about what are we going to eat throughout this week before I go grocery shopping, making sure I’m getting the things at the store that we need for those. And then usually the day after we go grocery shopping because after grocery shopping we usually do Costco I’m exhausted, taking a toddler grocery shopping, you know, carrying all those big boxes of bulk groceries up the steps. I don’t want to cook that day. I don’t want to be on my feet anymore. So usually the day after two days after, I’ll do a lot of the meal prep and I will cook in a one to a two-hour window of my week, several meals. Usually, it’s not several, it’s maybe three sometimes four, or five different kinds of meals, but in those larger, you know, Costco quantities. And then a lot of times they’re in the fridge ready to go. So my husband doesn’t have to stress about what he’s taking for lunch. If I need a grab and go, I can quickly grab it, throw it in the microwave and eat I can feed my toddler, whatever else right?

12:01
So again, it’s taking those lead measures and then making sure we’re setting boundaries around our bedtime and sticking to them. This is something that these last six months I have been terrible about. My husband’s been on the night shift. We thought we would give it a try for the sake of other benefits and pros that came along with this specific shift, but it has been honestly terrible. We have tried and tried and tried. But what I’ve been doing is staying up extremely late trying to get more done, more done, more done, and then really cutting myself short on sleep that has had so many just negative consequences to where I’m always tired. I don’t want to wake up. I always want to nap. I’m left short and frustrated because I’m fatigued. I’m desiring more sweets and comfort foods to combat that I just really want to sleep and I’m so fatigued and craving sugar for those bouts of energy, drinking too much coffee, etc.

13:01
This might be normal for you. This might be like, yep, yep, this is exactly what I do, Sasha. So I’m being very intentional about going back to what I knew worked for me. And that was getting to bed at a decent time, respecting that boundary – when my phone goes on prepare for sleep mode, it just tells me because I have my sleep schedule set up in my phone, I’m going to respect that and I’m going to honor that. I’m going to go to bed at a decent time so that I can then go back to my routine of waking up at 4:35 am and having that quiet time with the Lord, starting my day off right because that is where the fruit truly is.

13:44
And this is something that I love to help my clients with too because I am not this person. Naturally ingrained in my flesh, everything that Sasha is, is a night owl. I can stay up until 4 am working and getting stuff done. But as a mom, that’s not realistic. Like I cannot do that because of, like I just listed, all of these consequences and cons that come along with that. When I was you know pre-mom, didn’t have a day job at times, you know, worked the night shift, whatever, that worked, and that was okay. At the college that I went to, even our mascot was the night owls because that’s just who we were right? I have a plaque friends gave me that said… What did it say? It’s called a sleep marathon or something like that, winner or something. I am a sleeper, it’s what I’m good at is sleeping in and staying up late in the flesh. But I have to not do that because it’s not good for me and my family and it’s not producing the fruits in life that I desire. So if I can do that, you can do that. Maybe you need a little countability or coaching, that’s where I come in, or that’s where another coach comes in.

14:59
Moving on. Number three: you’re not prioritizing getting quiet and listening to God or hearing your own thoughts, or processing through your emotions. This is a major thing that keeps us stuck. This is a major thing that not just #MomBrain, you know, people all across the board. But when you’re not prioritizing getting quiet and listening to God throughout the day, you’re lacking wisdom and discernment, you’re lacking in the fruit of the Spirit. When you’re not sitting down and being quiet enough to listen to and be aware of the thoughts that you’re actually having. Like, that’s huge. Scripture calls us to take our thoughts captive. And a lot of times when we’re in this pattern, it leads to number four, which I’ll get on in a minute, but also taking the time to sit down and process your emotions. So many of us were raised to ignore our emotions or neglect our emotions or shove down our emotions, or just not even be in tune with them because they’re uncomfortable, and they’re yucky. But our emotions are very, very good indicators of our thoughts and our beliefs. And that’s the very stuff that all of your actions stem from. And if you’re having icky thoughts, and icky feelings, icky emotions, your actions and behaviors are going to show up in ways that create these undesirable results in life that you don’t want and you’re continuing to stay stuck in them because you’re not taking the time to sit down and listen and process and address those things.

16:44
And moving on to number four, it’s you’re in a state of constant mom guilt. A lot of that comes from these thoughts and these feelings that you’re thinking about yourself but also you have this mom guilt because you didn’t do X. You fill in the blank there whatever it is for you. Or even worse you didn’t do X, Y, and Z, and then that’s creating all of this pressure and all of this guilt that you’re not living up to what you think you should be in these expectations that you have for yourself. Or mom guilt because you snapped at your kids. And all of this goes back to you know, number one, number two, number three, those are the very things that contribute to this number four constant state of mom guilt.

17:34
Which leads to number five, that mom guilt, guilt unaddressed, and these other icky emotions can turn into something bigger, can turn into shame, can turn into whatever it is you’re making it mean about you. You specifically, Ashley, Sarah, Heather, Laura, Stephanie, Rachel, any other names that are not popping in my head right now? And please know, that these are not attached to any specific people. Obviously, they’re very common names. But what are you making all of this stuff mean about you? What are these icky emotions and icky thoughts, creating in the belief system that you have about yourself? Because guilt is feeling bad about something that you did or didn’t do, right? But the longer we sit in that guilt, it can turn into shame. And shame is something about you, who you are, and you carrying that on account of this guilt. It now means something about who you are. And this is something I had to spend a lot of time sitting in and through counseling and therapy. So I’m very familiar with these emotions and with these thoughts and with these beliefs.

18:59
What it really boils down to is that you’re living day-to-day focused on what’s directly in front of you. And all of this day-to-day living all of your actions that you’re taking all of the things that you’re doing and pursuing are just out of alignment with what matters most to you. If you’re in the His constant state of feeling stuck. There is a way out. There is a way out. I know this because I was in this, I was living this, and I have clients who were and are in this and living this. And we are working out of that for them. Some of them have already come out of the space of being stuck and are taking some of them one step, some of them five steps. Now, some of them even further into this land of abundance, living these productively peaceful days. They’re not just having goals, they’re achieving goals. They’re not just sitting in these yucky thoughts and emotions, they’re addressing them and tackling them and laying them at the feet of Jesus. They’re not letting their day-to-day in their lives, and the demands that are in front of them control their lives, or not having a schedule or structure to the way that they’re living. And they’re prioritizing God, and they’re seeking him first and foremost in all that they’re doing. And this is something that I absolutely love walking with women through this journey.

20:34
So if you’re listening to this podcast episode, and you were like, yes, Sasha. Yes, Sasha. Yes, Sasha. You are saying everything that is real and happening in my life right now. I want to encourage you to have courage, to make a decision today and say, I’m done. I’m done letting my #MomBrain keep me stuck. And all of this stuff. I’m ready to take a bold and faithful step forward in saying, I’m going to live a more intentional life. I’m gonna do what I can and trust that there is a way out of this. And I’m willing to do the work. I’m willing to step forward, at least to take that first step.

21:25
And that first step is to jump on a call. Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about these things or whatever else is coming up in your life right now. What is your current reality? And where would you rather be? How would you rather be living? What do you want your life to look like on January 1, 2023? And on that consult, you’re going to hear about this fabulous, incredible, borderline-crazy deal that I have for you in this stepping forward, that’s going to take you through to January 1, 2023, and being that woman. And I say this with boldness, and I say this with faith because I believe it because I’ve seen it time and time again, that this staying stuck, this current reality that you’re living does not have to be the way that you’re living. I’ll see you on the call sister, and have a blessed day.

More about your Podcast Host

Sasha Star Robertson is an Intentional Living & Biblical Mindset Coach for busy Christian moms, wife of 13 years to her best friend, boy mom (blessed by adoption), travel addict, and Jesus freak. She is the founder of The Intentional Abundance Co., curator of the Life & Goals Planner, & host of the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast.

Sasha Star Robertson is an Intentional Living & Biblical Mindset Coach for busy Christian moms, wife of 13 years to her best friend, boy mom (blessed by adoption), travel addict, and Jesus freak. She is the founder of The Intentional Abundance Co., curator of the Life & Goals Planner, & host of the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast.

Would you benefit from having a coach helping you live Productively Peaceful days digging into Faithful Foundations, Purposeful Priorities, Mindset Mastery, & Simple Selfcare? This question is rhetorical, everyone would! Schedule a consult with Sasha to learn more about the IAM Coaching Program and to see if you’d be a good it. https://calendly.com/intentionalabundanceco/iamconsult

Desiring Community?

You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

067: Discipleship in Motherhood – Making Disciples, Being Discipled, Discipling Others with Courtney Lowman

Summary

In this episode Sasha shares an encouraging and eye opening conversation with Courtney Lowman, a wife, mom, speaker, host of The Journey of Ruth Podcast, and a discipler of young women.

Not only does Courtney share personal testimony about growing up as a pastors kid and how God brought her to podcasting and discipleship… but she also dives deep with us into the importance of discipleship, what it means to be a disciple, the disciple tree, and how we as busy Christian moms can be discipled, disciple others, and grow little disciples of our own.  

Special Guest Courtney Lowman; wife, mom, speaker, host of The Journey of Ruth Podcast, and a discipler of young women, is on the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast sharing an encouraging and eye opening conversation about discipleship and her testimony about growing up as a pastors kid.

Want more Courtney?
Subscribe to her podcast: https://www.journeyofruthpodcast.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/journeyofruth
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/journeyofruth/
Snag her free PLAA worksheet:  https://www.journeyofruthpodcast.com/download

Transcription

Coming Soon

You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

066: Recognizing Seasons and Being Obedient in Your Response to Them

Summary

In this episode Sasha talks about seasons. Spring, summer, fall, winter. Monthly seasonal cycles. Seasons in motherhood. Seasons in life.

She encourages you to take some time to get clear on what seasons of life you’re living in, because there can be multiple different seasons taking place at once.

Recognize the season your in and check your response to it. Are you surrendering and staying stuck in a season that may be an uncomfortable one? Or are you making a decision to do the work that your current season requires to bring you into the next one?

Jump on a consult asap to share your heart and learn about what your life could look like January 1, 2023 after 6 months in the IAM at a price point that you literally can’t afford not to take full advantage of. This price point is only available to the first 5 ladies that jump in on it, so don’t delay because they will fly like hot cakes in a room with teenage boys in the middle of their competitive sports season.  https://calendly.com/intentionalabundanceco/iamconsult
———
You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

Transcription

Coming Soon

065: Struggling with Self-Discipline? Get to the bottom of it and learn exactly how to overcome the battle with this special bonus episode and ridiculous invitation from Sasha

Summary

In this episode Sasha talks about self discipline. What is it really? What does it mean when you say or think that you’re struggling with self-discipline? What could it really be?

Sasha shares about what is often behind this idea and thought of self-discipline struggles and how you can truly get to the bottom of it. Sasha knows that moms, especially those in this modern world, are showing up day in and day out giving their all (and more) to their families and homes and loved ones. But we’re often left feeling like we never did enough… looking into the lives of others through social media windows, comparing our productivity to their perceived productivity levels, and then beating ourselves up over it as if we’re not disciplined enough.

Sasha gets to the root of self-discipline and gives you step one and holds the blueprint to get you out of this mindset trap and into the land of productively peaceful days in motherhood.

Jump on a consult asap to share your heart and learn about what your life could look like January 1, 2023 after 6 months in the IAM at a price point that you literally can’t afford not to take full advantage of. This price point is only available to the first 5 ladies that jump in on it, so don’t delay because they will fly like hot cakes in a room with teenage boys in the middle of their competitive sports season.  https://calendly.com/intentionalabundanceco/iamconsult
———
You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

Transcription

0:02
Hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of the Intentional Abundant Life podcast. This is a bonus episode coming at y’all today because I am just a little bit too fired up about some things I have coming down the pipeline. But I also wanted to share a message to the hearts of those clients, potential clients, listeners, friends, and sisters of mine who are often feeling like you’re just not disciplined enough. So let’s do this jingle and we’ll dive right in.

1:36
Intro

1:43
All right, welcome back to another episode of the Intentional Abundant Life podcast. I’m your host Sasha star Robertson. And if you’re hearing some stuff going on in the background today, I’ve got our puppy dog down here and she’s just finding various things to chew on today. You know how puppies are. I didn’t bring any toys down here to the recording studio with me today. So I’ve already had to take a couple of things away from her and I’m like, shh dog, we’re recording a podcast. I’m just sitting here with my Aha, a-Ha, uha, I don’t know how it’s actually pronounced. I call it Aha. It’s a sparkling water, and I am one that hates sparkling water. I remember when we lived in England for four years. Yes, for those of you who have yet to hear. We lived in England for four years and it was incredible. We actually made a joke all the time. The best thing about it was leaving England because we traveled all over Europe while we were there. We took full advantage and were very intentional about the opportunity that we had.

2:56
Anyways, I remember all over Europe when you would order a water, sometimes they wouldn’t even ask, they would just bring you the fizzy water. And I would spit it out and almost gag like it just tastes toxic to me. And like Lacroix, I have a friend that joke it’s like tastes like it sat next to a crate of grapefruits. Because the taste, like the flavor of the fruits is just so like, blah. Anyway, I had an Aha at a friend’s house. Changed my life. This was like over a year ago. And so now we get them all the time. And they just came out with this new summer flavor pineapple passionfruit and it’s amazing. It’s like the ideal beverage that you want on a hot sunny day.

3:44
However, today, I want to talk to you guys about discipline and being self-disciplined. And I really, really, really want you to stick around to the very end because I’m doing something crazy, like legit crazy. Back in November of last year, I did something crazy and lives were transformed on account of it including my own, and I just really feel like God calling me to do something crazy again. I’ve been spending a lot of time in Scripture, a lot of time in quiet, in prayer. And just working on some mindset stuff, working on myself, my growth, spending time with Him and my family. And this has just like been on my heart.

4:30
So, let’s dive in. And then I’ll get to that and the juicy, juicy details that are coming along with that. So I want to talk to those of you who have this thought, this repeating thought that you’re just not disciplined. You don’t have self-discipline. You wish you had more self-discipline. And it really got me thinking when I’m hearing multiple clients, multiple ideal clients, some of you who’ve taken the time to fill out the market research form that I put out a few weeks back have said this. One of the things that you would really like one of your biggest struggles is self-discipline. But I want to take a moment to look at that, and what does that really mean. Now I know it might mean something different for each of you. But let’s start by looking at a few definitions of discipline.

5:31
I think a lot of times people think of it in the term of training yourself training you to do something in a controlled or habitual way. I think a lot of times when we say that we’re not disciplined or self-disciplined. It’s that idea of self-control or doing things in the way that we were trained. Another definition here is of self-discipline specifically is the ability to control your feelings and overcome your weaknesses, or the ability to pursue what one thinks is right, despite temptations to abandon it. And wow, that’s kind of huge when you think about it this way. Because if you’re listening to this, chances are you’re a mom. And how many times a day do you actually lay down your own feelings and overcome your weaknesses to pursue what you think is right despite your temptations to abandon it. Like, come on, That’s almost like the definition of motherhood.

6:40
Do I want to get up seven times in the middle of the night to take care of a sick child? No, I don’t want to; I want to sleep. That is how I feel I feel tired. I feel weak in my desire to sleep. My temptation is to stay in bed. But instead, I’m going to do what’s right. What I know is right. I’m going to do what I know, what my child needs from me right now. And I’m gonna do it so quickly that I’m not even thinking about it. Another idea of self-control is the idea or ability to regulate your emotions and thoughts and behavior, especially in the face of temptation and impulses. It’s a cognitive process that’s necessary for regulating your behaviors in order to achieve your goals and things like that.

7:36
And I think that this idea of self-discipline and self-control is what a lot of us are thinking about. Now we do know that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. Right? And it is this self-discipline. It is about the ability to take captive those thoughts and feelings and sometimes those behaviors that we don’t actually want in our lives to fight those temptations and do what we know is right. And I think most often when I hear my clients or ideal clients, people who I have consults with, come to me and tell me that they’re just not very disciplined and they have a lot of distractions. I think what it actually is, is just misaligned priorities.

8:28
Sometimes it’s getting caught up in what we’re seeing as the day today. It’s not your ideal of like how you would like your day to go or how you would like to see your schedule go. Or you get to the end of the day and you look at maybe all of these larger goals or bigger picture things or your to-do list and it’s not checked off. Or you didn’t do any work on your business today or any work on that project today. And you’re like man, I’m just not disciplined. This is taking me so long to complete. I’m not focusing on it. I’m not staying true to what I said I would do. But I think in reality, what we are doing as moms is we’re trying to do all the things. We feel like nothing’s getting done or nothing’s getting what it needs. Because we’re showing up every day trying to balance at all.

9:39
And in all honesty, many of us have come from maybe a space of like childhood emotional neglect. Some of us have come from places where we had two working parents in the home and we weren’t really shown how to do it all. Or maybe some of us came from a family where a dad went to work all day and a mom stayed home and just took care of the home and her kids, and I say just as if it’s like some easy thing. No, I’m not saying that. You know, when I feel like when we say just it’s almost justifying something that I’ve had people come to me with both. Like I’m a stay-at-home mom also trying to work from home or have a business from home or pursue these God-given gifts and dreams and trying to balance it all. But my mom went away for work. Or I’m a working mom and I’m trying to balance all the things but my mom was a stay-at-home mom she just focused on the home and the kids and didn’t really do a lot of anything extra outside of the home.

10:42
And so, as you can see, I hear it from both sides. I hear people coming to me that they don’t have the example they don’t have the blueprint. They don’t understand how they’re supposed to make all of these things fit into the time that they have. And at the end of the day, it comes down to them feeling slightly ashamed because he didn’t get all of the things done. It leaves us feeling like we’re not good enough. Like we can’t live up to it. But in reality, all we have to do is uncomplicate it. All we have to do is sit down and evaluate and reprioritize what is it that we actually want to pursue and then make a schedule even like I talked about a couple of weeks ago, a free bird schedule that actually fits into the life that you’re living and the life that you want to create. And setting boundaries that are easy for us to stick to because we’re able to see and live in and experience the fruit of them.

11:58
We need to sit down and make the space for us. Yes, make the space for you, as a busy mom to be quiet, to process, your thoughts and your feelings. And then we work from that mindset to shift the behaviors and how we’re showing up. And so I just want to let you know that as a busy mom. It’s not self-discipline or self-control. That’s often the problem. It’s a result of other things just being misaligned of our priorities not being as aligned as we would like them to be and us oftentimes, just not holding fast to those boundaries, because we haven’t done it enough to see the fruits of it. And we don’t have the blueprint in front of us to know how to make it happen and how to make it a reality.

13:05
And Sister, you are not alone in this. This is one of the number one things like I said at the beginning – dog’s chasing her tail now – This is one of the number one things like I said at the beginning that I often hear moms come to me and saying, and they’re coming to me in shame. They’re coming to me, beating themselves up that they are not good enough. Because they can’t seem to get all the things done. And Sister, There is a way, and I’m sitting here with this cheesy grin on my face because there is a way because I know it and I see it and I live it, and I don’t live with these pressures. And this stress and this fear and this overwhelm and this chaos constantly surrounding me.

13:54
I don’t have to live with the shame because I have been set free from that. And I want to show you the way that you can also be set free from that. I am not a Savior; we have one Lord and Savior and that is Jesus Christ. And that is number one that is the firm foundation that we set all the rest of this on. And for my clients that come into the IAM, it’s often the number one space that we visit. We visit those firm foundations. We take the time, make the time, and prioritize God first God-focused living because anything else that you try to pursue is going to fall to pieces. It is going to be built on shifting sand. And as soon as anything wiggles, as soon as any kind of wave comes, it’s going to be knocked over.

13:55
So that is first and foremost we build upon the cornerstone upon the rock that is immovable and so I want to help you that is my number one passion. I say that of course, it is it’s Jesus right. But there are so many other things in this program that are also these huge passions of mine but number one is that faithful foundation that we make sure we build first before we build anything else. After that comes these purposeful priorities, where we sit down and we take a look at what is your life looking like right now? What is taking up a majority of your time, your mental energy, your focus? What are the things that you need to focus on in this season?

14:53
We really respect the season of life that you’re living in whether you’ve got a newborn in diapers, whether you’re a new mom for the first time, whether you’ve got a six-year-old, whether you’ve got a six-year-old and a four-year-old and a three-year-old and a two-year-old, or even those moms that have teenagers right now. I have a couple of clients. One son just graduated and is going off to college. Another one has a 21-year-old and some high schoolers. We look at the season of life that you’re in now.

16:10
What are your priorities what is God put on your heart? What is he calling you to focus on? And we make sure that your life, your actions, your schedule, and your boundaries, are all designed to fit what matters most to you and what God is calling you to. I just have to stop for a minute right here and remind you, it’s not going to look like anybody else’s. And I think that’s a huge part of where we get caught up here. Especially with social media. We can sit down and so easily look at what other people’s families, what other people’s schedules, what other people’s lives or workload, what their plates and backpacks are able to carry and so easily get caught up and swept away in this comparison mindset thinking our life if it could just look like theirs, then maybe I could feel better then maybe I wouldn’t be living in the shame then maybe I can get all my stuff done if I could just be better like her if I could just be more self-disciplined like her. No, sisters.

16:14
This is why we have faithful foundations to cut this comparison crap. Because that is exactly what the comparison trap is. All throughout these faithful foundations and these purposeful priorities we are focusing on mastering our mindset. And that’s done all throughout, where we are making sure our mind is set on the Lord, that we are taking every thought captive and taking it back to Him. And this is our mindset related to our home and our housework and how good of a homemaker we are and how good we are at cooking nutritious meals for our family and how our motherhood mindset is and how our schedule mindset is and this comparison stuff that I was talking about, even our faith mindset you guys we have the ability to overcomplicate our faith so much.

18:17
Another reason why I love digging into these faithful foundations. But I have a mindset framework that is so incredibly powerful and it can be used across the board. I learned it from my business coach. I’ve used it in so many different areas of my life that I know just you coming in and learning this powerful tool. This powerful framework has the ability to allow you to coach yourself through so much other stuff that can come up and get in the way.

18:51
And the last thing that we really love to focus on is simple self-care. Now before you’re triggered by the word self-care, I want you to know this is simple, biblical self-care and our faithful foundations are a huge part of that and we will get into that more in the program. You’re welcome to go back and listen to some of my episodes that are tagged self-care, or have that simple biblical self-care in the title if you want to learn more about that. But I am sharing all of this with you today because I made a decision this week that is truly unthinkable. I don’t even know why I’m doing this now. Just kidding. I’ve processed through it a lot. I can explain to the T’s why I’m doing this.

19:36
But for those of you who are around in November, you know I did something crazy. And I revamped my program a little bit and I put out an offer that people could come into this program or at least a taste of it, it was then, for so cheap that it was like… I wasn’t even making any money. And I absolutely loved it just serving the nine women that walked through the program was so life-giving to me, and life-changing for them. And it’s changed since then, and it’s changing again. So if you’ve been on here for a little while you might have heard me invite you into this program. That is 12 weeks of one-on-one coaching and I just want to let you know that the program has changed. And before you click off here, sisters, you’re going to want to hear this. I promise you. The program has changed and my coaching services are now in six-month increments. So I’m doing this because I’ve had multiple clients resign. And I’ve noticed and they’ve noticed the ones who’ve worked with me longer for 20 plus weeks are the ones that have found these like sustainable transformations.

20:55
And I want to make sure that people coming into my program are literally being transformed, that they are going through the whole process that they’re allowed and making the space for themselves to sit and seek and grow and make these shifts necessary that you can live these productively peaceful days. I promise you it is attainable, productively peaceful days are my existence. And they’re the existence of some of my clients as well. And the other of my clients that isn’t yet is because we’re still working through this process. Some of us have a lot of junk in the way that we need to work through and allow ourselves to process and lay down before we get to that point.

21:50
And that’s exactly what God has gifted me in this program, in walking through these four pillars to transform your life and bring you peace that surpasses understanding. I’m not the one who gives it, I just help lay the path and give you the blueprint that you can seek the One that gives it in all that you do in a way that you truly enjoy your days, even the ones that are a little bit chaotic or maybe even a lot a bit chaotic. They can help you get through those seasons with productive days that you don’t just feel productive, that you know that you’ve been productive in the things that matter most. Even if it’s not checking something off of your to-do list and to know that you’re being a good steward of all of the gifts and resources that God has given you. It is a real-life sisters; there is a way to and both productivity and peaceful living. And I’ve got the blueprint and I want to share it with you. So, I’m inviting you to come into this revamped program. Again, 6 months of working with me.

22:56
Do you understand? That gets you through the rest of 2022. Imagine, who do you want to be on January 1, 2023? Do you want to continue living like you’re living now? Do you want to feel the same today that you do on January 1, 2023? Or do you want to be transformed; do you want to be opened up; do you want to be living on this firm foundation of faith and peace that surpasses understanding? Do you want to enjoy your life? Do you want this deep relationship with God and to know that you are being intentional with your time with your family, your time with your home, your time with your business or your mission, or your friends or your health, the things that truly matter to you. If you’re sitting there wishing that there was a way for you to do it all and live life to the fullest, then this is where I’m inviting you to be. So this 6 months of coaching I am giving to you for the cost of my 12-week program right now.

20:55
And I’m not going to say the price on here because I want to hear your dreams and desires. I want to hear about where you’re at right now and what you want to shift. I want to connect my heart to your heart in a consult. I want to hear your voice; I want to hear your passions; I want to hear what things you might be wrestling with right now. What things are standing in the way of you living the life that you know you are being called to live out? I know that you’re resourceful. I know that you have faith. I know that you have God’s Word in your hand. I know that you know how to pray. I know that you’re a good mom. And I know that you are disciplined because you do all the things. You show up every day and do all the things for everyone around you and everyone you love.

22:51
So, here’s what I want. I want you to stop beating yourself up. I want you to stop struggling in between your own two ears and in between your head and your heart and standing in your own way of the transformation that God is calling you to. Because this 6-month program is at such a steal-of-a-deal I’ve got 5 spaces. And I told one of my clients already earlier today and she said, Sign me up! Do you need it in writing? Do you need me to pay you? Whatever. And we are not even halfway through the second twelve weeks that she’s already bought into because she knows the value and the transformation that she’s seen in working with me in this program. And so, sister, I am inviting you into it, this steal-of-a-deal that I have going on is only available to five ladies. Honestly, I don’t believe that this is going to be around through the end of this month.

22:51
So, if you want in on this. If you have been in this space hearing me talk about productively peaceful days, God-first God-focused living, the IAM coaching program, any of the stuff that I talk about here on the podcast and you want more. Maybe you just want more Sasha. Come into my space, girl, you’re going to leave transformed. I love my clients and I cherish every moment that I get to work with them because God shows up. And I love watching that so much.

22:51
In fact, I just want o share this little story with you before I jump off. I had a client, God bless her, on vacation who made a point to still be on her call that week. And she jumped on the call and she said, All day, all morning this morning, all night last night I was thinking about X. And I was just cheesing ear to ear as she was telling me this because it was so weird that the night before I was laying in bed and it just popped into my mind almost as quickly as it popped right back out, but I had the same thought about what she was talking about.

22:51
And I was like this is weird like I’m just sitting there thinking and I’m like, Thank You, God. But I was like, I need to tell her that I had this thought last night as I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep. And then, after she was done talking, I let her share her heart with me and everything and keep going on, and I said, You know what, Ashley? I was laying in bed last night and I had this thought pop into my mind out of nowhere. And I thought all these character qualities about her and everything that I know about her, and I just thought, Yeah, she should do X. And she said, Oh, I know. I knew you were going to confirm what I had said on this call today. God made it very clear to me that you were going to confirm what I said.

22:51
And I was like whoa. Isn’t that so cool though, that I get to do life wither her. That we get to work together on this level and it really is a spiritual level. And I am just so blessed. I am so grateful that God has called me and placed me in this position because the work that we do is not just changing the lives o these moms, of these women, but it’s changing the way that they show up in their marriage, in their home, towards their children, towards their families, outside of their home, their extended families, towards their community, and y’all, this has the power generational blessing.

22:51
And I am just so honored. I am so grateful. And I invite you to this. So, here’s your first step: If you’re not already in the Intentional Abundance Community, you should be there. The link is in the show notes. There are more details about this in there. But also, I am so excited to talk to you! So, visit the show notes, click the link to schedule a consult, and I will see you hopefully face-to-face on that zoom call next week as we dig into what kind of life you’re going to be living come January 1, 2023. I can’t wait for my heart to meet yours, sister.

More about your Podcast Host

Sasha Star Robertson is an Intentional Living & Biblical Mindset Coach for busy Christian moms, wife of 13 years to her best friend, boy mom (blessed by adoption), travel addict, and Jesus freak. She is the founder of The Intentional Abundance Co., curator of the Life & Goals Planner, & host of the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast.

Sasha Star Robertson is an Intentional Living & Biblical Mindset Coach for busy Christian moms, wife of 13 years to her best friend, boy mom (blessed by adoption), travel addict, and Jesus freak. She is the founder of The Intentional Abundance Co., curator of the Life & Goals Planner, & host of the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast.

Would you benefit from having a coach helping you live Productively Peaceful days digging into Faithful Foundations, Purposeful Priorities, Mindset Mastery, & Simple Selfcare? This question is rhetorical, everyone would! Schedule a consult with Sasha to learn more about the IAM Coaching Program and to see if you’d be a good it. https://calendly.com/intentionalabundanceco/iamconsult

064: How to Experience Simplicity, Peace, & Balance While Pursuing Goals in Motherhood with Gabe Cox

Summary

In this powerful value packed episode Sasha shares a conversation with Gabe Cox; a faith-based author, podcaster, coach, and the founder of Red Hot Mindset. She helps faith-fueled women use their passions to enhance their productivity and spiritual growth so they can go after their God-given goals. As an avid runner, she uses that interest to explore ideas around clarity, goal setting, strategic planning, simplicity, and faith. Her mission is to help women realize their gifts, hone their skills, and get crystal clear on their calling.

Gabe Cox, faith-based author, podcast host of Goal Driven Moms, coach, and the founder of Red Hot Mindset is on the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast sharing about self care, goals, balance, peace, & more.

Gabe shares a vulnerable testimony about her start to marriage and motherhood and how God shifted her heart and focus. Then Sasha and Gabe share a conversation that covers a vast array of topics including seasons of life & motherhood, self care, balance, goals, peace, proper order and alignment of priorities, and more!

Some major talking points include embracing and honoring the season you’re in, the importance of being an example to your children in the areas of self care and goal setting, how to pursue goals with peace, and what balance actually is.

Get ready to dive in with a notebook and pen ready, because you’re going to be taking notes on these mic drop moments Gabe and Sasha have to share.

Want to connect with Gabe?!
Website: https://redhotmindset.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gabecox_redhotmindset/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/4MindfulMamas

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You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

Transcription

Sasha Star Robertson 0:50
Jingle

Sasha Star Robertson 0:54
Hello, sisters, and welcome back to another episode of the Intentional Abundant Life podcast. I’m your host, Sasha Star Robertson, and I have another special guest here with us today. Her name is Gabe Cox. And she is a faith-based author, podcaster, coach, and the founder of Red Hot Mindset. She helps faith-filled women use their passions to enhance their productivity and spiritual growth so they can go after their God-given goals. As an avid runner, she uses that interest to explore ideas around clarity, goal setting, strategic planning, simplicity, and faith. Her mission is to help women realize their gifts, hone their skills, and get crystal clear on their calling. I love love love that she is going to be on here sharing all of these things that you’re used to hearing about here in this space. So Gabe, welcome. Thank you for being on here. Is there anything else that you would like to add to this powerhouse of a bio?

Gabe Cox 2:15
Sure! Well, Sasha, thank you so much for having me, it’s an honor to be able to chat with you. I was looking forward to it because we do have similar messages. And I love, love, love hearing how God is working in others’ lives as well. So, you know, I’m from Minnesota originally, it’ll be about two years when this podcast airs, that we have been in Colorado, so a little bit more temperate and loving being in the mountains in the warmer weather. But I have three boys, 14, 12, and 8. And I’ve been married for 15 years, love running and writing, and just doing what I feel like God is calling me to do. And so that has been a season of motherhood. And it’s also been a season of understanding that I still have my giftings that He’s given me and I need to be willing to do that alongside motherhood.

Sasha Star Robertson 3:10
Amen. Amen. I completely agree. So you shared in your little application thing that we do that you were coming out of the diapering stage and asked yourself a question and kind of how it brought you on this journey to be where you are today. And I would love to hear more of that. Because diapering stage over here still going on. And I know you have like teenage boys, I’m a boy mom, too. So I would just love to hear you share that part of your story with the listeners because I think a lot of them here might still have little ones, very little ones in the home.

Gabe Cox 3:47
Yeah, I’ll give you some encouragement that this too shall pass. You know, every season does. But I’m going to tell you, I have a 14-year-old, I have a freshman, and it comes through the year actually now by now it’s already done. And time just goes so quickly. So cherish the season you’re in because now I look back and go I have no more babies. I don’t have anyone who wants to cuddle because boys don’t want to cuddle at a certain point. Like, they’re still mommy’s boys, but yeah, when I was honestly let me be honest with you. I never wanted to get married. And I never wanted to have kids. So that was just me. I was very independent. Going to go do my own thing. I was in broadcast journalism and all the things. So God called me to marriage pretty early on, I found out about you know, I got married right outside of college. And I was like, What? No, I was content being single and all these things. And within a year I found out we were having our first kid and I was like, what? Okay.

Gabe Cox 4:47
But it’s so cool how God changes your heart in every season because as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited. And I was like okay, I’m called to motherhood and I’m going to love this. But you know motherhood stages are hard, and every stage is different. And it’s all hard and good and rewarding because we learned so much. But when I was in the diapering stage, I would say I wasn’t a big fan of the baby stage, because I like when they’re independent. Now I love having conversations with my boys and, and just seeing the independence that they have in the gifting coming out and other things. But it feels lonely in that stage, even when you’re surrounded by people, you can just feel really alone. And I kind of lost myself in a way. I lost who I was and who God called me to be.

Gabe Cox 5:36
Now, I don’t… I want to preface this by saying, I don’t ever take being a mom for granted because I think that was the greatest mission that God ever gave me. So not saying that. But at the same time, I thought, I have to sacrifice everything for my kids to be a mom, I can’t have my own dreams. I can’t have my own interests, I can’t do these things because I have to be the best mom that I can be. And as I was moving out of the diapering stage, I was pretty much asking myself, what’s next, like these kids are a little bit more independent. They don’t need me like they needed me to feed them and clothe them and buckle them into their seats in the car and all the things. And so I started feeling a little lost because they go, What am I going to do with this extra time – which really isn’t that much extra time or anything – But what am I going to do?

Gabe Cox 6:28
And what I really realized, because what I did is I said, Well, I love running. So what if I make a goal out of running and see what I can do with it. And for a while, I felt like that was such a selfish thing. Like I can’t do something for me that I’m taking away from everybody else. You feel so guilty, all that mom guilt. We all have mom guilt, and we have it all the time, no matter what season you’re in. It’s just different. It looks different in each season. But I decided I was going to do something for me but still be a good enough mom and be a good mom.

Gabe Cox 7:00
And what I realized, as I said, Okay, what’s next, I’m gonna have this running goal. And I did it. And I hit it, I wanted to qualify for the Boston Marathon, which is one of the most elite races for everyday runners. It’s a hard goal for most people, and so not very many runners end up hitting. And so when I hit it, what I realized and what God essentially was like, your kids need to see you win. Your kids need to see you go after goals. Because how else are they going to learn to do it? And so He pretty much was saying, You need to be their best example. And if you’re not willing to step out of your comfort zone, if you’re not willing to take risks, you’re not willing to use the gifts I gave you. Then why would you make them do it? You know, you have to walk it first. And I thought that was a really important revelation that He gave me to say, you can have your interest, you can have your goals, and you can be a good mom, too. You don’t have to pick.

Sasha Star Robertson 8:05
Amen. I fully agree with everything that you said. And I love… First, congratulations on doing that. Did you qualify for the Boston Marathon?

Gabe Cox 8:15
I did. Yeah. I qualified back in 2015. And I ran in 2016 and this past year. So 2021 was another victory run for another story another day.

Sasha Star Robertson 8:25
Wow, incredible. I’m doing like a little round of applause over here. That’s great. I just ran my third ever mile in less than 10 minutes. Yesterday, not yesterday, the day before. I am like running is not my thing I would basically do anything else. Typically if I’m running, I’m being chased by a bear or something which has never actually happened. I’m proud of that. But dang Boston Marathon. That’s huge. So congratulations. Like, that’s incredible. I love that you had talked about like, for one, thank you for being vulnerable and transparent, and straightforward with us that you did not want to get married and you did not want motherhood right. But God changes hearts. And you knew when you found out you were pregnant, that you were called to motherhood. And that was like the greatest calling and mission on your life and you took it very seriously to do it well. And I love that and I want to honor you for that as well.

Sasha Star Robertson 9:25
And you’d pointed out that there’s learning in each stage like motherhood is difficult but there’s learning each stage, and I just see motherhood as part of our sanctification process. Our children teach us so much about ourselves, about life, about God, about dependence on Him, and seeking Him daily. So I hear you there fully. And then a couple of other things that you had touched on: your running goal, like you had this idea that I believe so many of us moms do like, That’s selfish. I can’t do that for me. And I do feel like I see a lot of moms that, I don’t feel like I see, I know I see a lot of moms who are like Nope, I’m a mom, this is my only thing. And I just, I like to caution women against that very early on. And I’ve had tons of empty nesters who are like, thank you for doing this. Because I believe even in that diapering stage, we can do exactly what you said, be that example to our kids, be obedient, follow our gifts, step out of our comfort zone to do hard things, and show them that it’s possible and be that example to them.

Sasha Star Robertson 10:38
But so many moms don’t do that even in the state you’re in now. It’s like, I stay at home, I take care of the house, and I homeschool my kids, and I’m there for their every beck and call and need, and then their kids leave the home. And then they don’t know who they are, they don’t have any hobbies or interests, they’ve honestly fallen out of relationship with the Lord and their spouse because their face is just so fully turned towards their children and only their children. And I don’t believe that that is what God asks us to do. And, and I don’t know that that’s really the example that we should be setting for our children. And I say this, especially our daughters, because I’ve had this conversation with my dear friend, she’s 50 Something, several kids, some have grown up and become mothers of their own. And she said back to her mom, now that she’s a mom, thank you so much for, for doing what you’re doing now and taking care of yourself, for her younger siblings that are like not even 10 yet, because she recalls when she was growing up, her mom didn’t have self-care, her mom didn’t take care of herself.

Sasha Star Robertson 11:43
She was in poor health, she was just pouring into her family and sacrificing herself over and over and over again for her family. And she said she’s thankful that she’s able to see the example in her mom now with her younger siblings because she’s a mom to a little one. And, and she was like, I, coming into motherhood, didn’t know, where that balance lay of whether I should be taking care of myself or my kids or like pouring it all out? Or like where’s the fine line of kind of like, the self-care idea and doing something for myself without feeling guilty while still or pursuing my goals? And I think it can be yes, and. And both, which I think you are in alignment with there. So one of the things we wanted to talk about today was the idea of balance and doing both. And so do you want to take it away and share about that?

Gabe Cox 12:35
Yeah. And one thing I was thinking as you were talking is one of the issues that I had, in my seasons, I still kind of have this issue a little bit, but I’ve simplified my life a lot. But I used to think I had to be everything for everyone. And I had to do every role that came my way, every opportunity that the doors opened. I needed to fulfill it because I could and what I learned is I was actually sacrificing my family, my husband, for all these things that I thought I was supposed to do because I was good at them. And God said, No, I called you to this. And sometimes that means I called you to motherhood at this point in that season. Right? And so I started eliminating and just all these different roles that were bogging me down, and I didn’t have balance. That’s one thing I definitely didn’t have. And when I think of balance now, I think of balance as peace. Do I have peace in my life right now? Am I present wherever I am?

Gabe Cox 0:00
And so, for me, If I’m working, I’m going to be present working because then I’m going to be way more productive. I’m going to focus and get it done. When I’m with my family, I want to be present with my family. I want quality time. I want conversation. I want to have some fun and laugh and have memories. And it’s, for me balance is, Am I present where I am, and what does my schedule look like? Am I overdoing it? And sometimes I look at my season I’m like, well, I always said my kids would only have one sport at a time, which they do. However, my older two are competitive gymnasts, and they’re in the gym 25 hours a week. And yeah, so they do two practices a day and practice on Saturday. And so I’m driving all over the place. I’ve become a glorified Uber which is super fun, but I’ve learned to listen to podcasts while I drive and have prayer time and I do… I try and be productive while I’m doing these things because it’s hours of my time, but still, they all only do one thing. But because of the one thing being a big commitment, it becomes an overwhelming thing. And so we can easily slip out of balance.

Gabe Cox 1:16
And so a lot of times when I think of balance, I don’t think of it as work life has to be even with family time and it needs to be even with your leisure time. And it needs to be even with all the things going on in your life. No. Balance is you seeing what season you’re in. And so a lot of your listeners are with young kids right now. And that season means balance might be you actually have to spend a lot more time with your kids. You’re investing a lot of time in motherhood and maybe not working as much. But then there might be a season where balance means you actually have to work a little bit more. And maybe you have a little bit less family time but that’s okay. Because it does even out as long as you’re present in the moment. And knowing that each season is different. And with each season, you have to look at it and go alright, do I have balance? Which eventually says, Do I have peace? And do I have a presence?

Sasha Star Robertson 2:12
Amen. My word of the year last year? Was it last year? Yeah. 2021 My goodness, I keep thinking it’s still 2021 And I’m like no, it’s 2022. 2021 was Shalom. And it’s the Hebrew word for peace. But Shalom is like, it’s so much more than peace. It’s a wholeness like there’s not a crack in the wall. My Word of the Year for 2020 was fulfilled and fulfillment. And to me, it was like I want to be fulfilled not just succeeding in one area of life, but in all areas of life, multiple areas of life. It’s wholeness, and so my husband, he’s the one that says, it’s like Shalom. And so then, funny enough it did change. My word of the year changed. It was Shalom in 2021. And it was. I would just ask myself constantly, is this bringing peace to my life or not? Is this bringing peace or is this bringing chaos? And if it wasn’t peace, I would ask myself and the Lord why? What does that mean? And where do I go from here? What do I do with this?

Sasha Star Robertson 3:18
And I love that you had kind of brought up just the idea that I hold fast to in that good things are not always God things. You know you’re like I was doing all of these things, everything for everyone because this is what I was “supposed to do.” Because I was good at it and whatever else, and it’s what I thought people needed of me. But then you realize, and when you sit down and do… Which, I know you help your clients do just like I do, is sit down and really look at what things in your life are actually distractions. They’re good things but they’re not the things that God is calling you to in this season. And so, definitely being mindful of whatever season you’re in, whether it’s still the diapering stage, whether you’re diapering, multiple kids at home or just coming out of that season, or, or in Homeschooling with lots of competitive gymnasts in your home, you know what kind of different things do you have going on in your life right now?

Sasha Star Robertson 4:13
And I think it’s so important to like you said, look at your schedule and look at your calendar and what is actually on there and what is actually happening. And am I making peace in my life for myself but also making peace for my family? And I think that’s super, super important in bringing up this idea of balance. Everything’s not going to be the same. And like I help a lot of people, I think maybe similar to you to that. When you’re going after those God-given goals and clarifying that calling that he’s put on your life. Sometimes it is outside of your family or in addition to your family. And being able to pursue those things while taking care of your family and your home and your relationship with God and your spouse. Sometimes some things are going to take a little bit of a backseat, they’re going to go on the back burner and just stay warm and not be hot, red hot.

Sasha Star Robertson 5:06
And then sometimes that season looks like you know asking your husband to change a couple of diapers a day or you know do something for the family or for the home so that you can have that little bit extra time to do what God’s calling you to do in the marketplace or in business or sharing your heart and a podcast or, you know, giving a testimony to a friend or whatever it looks like in your life. And so I love that you brought that up because I was thinking this, there’s this meme that’s gone around in terms of equality versus equity, and we talked about this before we hit record, but it’s a picture of you know, these two guys or maybe it’s even three guys and equality or like balance to me when I think of it is everyone gets the same. Like you were talking about doesn’t mean everybody’s you know, everything on your schedule needs to look like equal allotments.

Sasha Star Robertson 5:58
But these men One of them’s very short, one of them’s very tall, and they were each given three boxes to stand on to see over the fence and the short guy with three boxes still can’t see over the fence. But the tall guy, three boxes can, like his knees could see over the fence because he’s so tall. And so instead, that tall guy, maybe giving one or two of his boxes to the short guy. Now they’re both able to see over the fence and I think of that in our schedule too. Relevant to the season that we’re in is that sometimes some things are going to have a few more of those time blocks on your calendar than others. But it’s more… I like the word harmony, like a symphony, because it’s like a dance, right?

Sasha Star Robertson 6:38
Our hormones as women, they do this dance, it’s not always the same, you know, every month, hopefully, month after month, it’s the same but throughout the month things ebb and flow and our temperature adjusts and, and I think our schedules are the same. And I’ve even heard of people doing cycle thinking they sync their calendars and schedules to what’s going on with their body chemistry and Symphony. I think that’s really great though, what you’re talking about. So, any tips? Anything God is showing you in this season of busyness and what you have going on and keeping things simple and focused on peace amongst this chaos has been a common theme here on the podcast.

Gabe Cox 7:21
YES. A couple of things actually. And as we were talking I was thinking about for those drivers out there. If you’re an achiever, your mindset is I gotta be all in. I gotta be 100% at whatever I’m doing, and I used to think that with even goals. I was like, Well, if I can’t be all in, then I’m not gonna go after that. You know if it’s not, if I can’t do it tomorrow, I’m not going to do it. Well, especially as a mom, it’s not possible. You can’t go all in on that and sacrifice your family. Your family comes first. Really in alignment, God comes first, then family, then what else you’re doing right and so there still has to be that alignment and that balance.

Gabe Cox 8:08
But just because you can’t go all in in the season that you’re in, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go after something. It doesn’t mean that, if you have a stirring in your heart, there’s a reason there’s a stirring because God has called us to this mission field. Like as long as we’re here, we have a purpose. And He wants us. He wants to use us. And it’s scary. It’s, you know, sometimes you’re like, oh, I don’t want to do this. It’s, you know, out of my comfort zone. I don’t want to add the extra time. I don’t want to add it to my calendar. But when God calls us and He says go, we go. But it just looks different sometimes because what I realized is that I didn’t have to be all in. Meaning I focused all my time on this energy because sometimes there are people who teach that you have to be thinking about it all the time. You have to write it down and put it in front of you and only think about that one thing.

Gabe Cox 9:00
Now I do think there’s value in writing it down and posting it. However, if you’re focusing all your energy on that, that becomes an idol. So, it’s no longer healthy anyway. But think about it this way. If you take care of yourself in whatever capacity that means for you. Self Care is kind of a sometimes a woofoo word these days too. But if you take care of yourself, meaning you’re doing, you’re making yourself healthy, you’re continuing to be healthy whether that’s working out, maybe you do like going out with friends for coffee or whatever it is that lights you up and fills your soul. That’s important because the more filled you are the more you have to give. And actually like when I… My boys always laugh at me, because when I get crabby, usually they will be like have you gone on a run in a few days? Because that’s what fuels me, it gives me the energy I need. It’s actually time alone with the Lord sometimes too. And so it makes me happy. It gives me that joy, and it gets me ready to be all to everybody when I need to be.

Gabe Cox 10:10
Anyway, so I just wanted to give that encouragement that you don’t have to be all in. You can do five minutes a day, can do a half-hour a day. Whatever it is that you have. But just make sure that you do take that time and you are still with the Lord and going, What is it that You want to do? What desires did you give me, interests did You give me and why? And really contemplate that. And when it comes to the busy season. This year, my word is “simply”.

Gabe Cox 10:38
And we were talking about this a little bit beforehand, Sasha, that I was like I get this word. I’m never going to do these words again because every time I come up with a word, God tests me in this. And He’s testing me again because this first quarter is super busy. And I’ve simplified everything that I can. I simplify my schedule. It just feels busy because we’ve had out-of-town meets for gymnastics. I’m in a program, a class that I’m taking that’s pretty intensive. My work schedule has been quite a bit bigger of a load than normal. And I’m still running my own business and trying to keep the house clean and do all these things.

Gabe Cox 11:20
Now, I will give you a tip. Here’s a tip. As soon as your kids are old enough, give them a chore to do, like give them responsibility because I’m telling you, I vacuum upstairs and make sure the kitchen’s clean. And that’s all I do. For the most part. I mean we do some deep cleaning here and there but my kids have responsibilities and they do it willingly. You know and they don’t get paid for it. They just know they’re a part of the family and they need to help. That is one way to help simplify and to keep that balance because I don’t ever want them to feel entitled either, that they don’t have to do these things. They need to learn these responsibilities, so they can go do it when they’re they’re gone. But when it comes to simply, I had this question that came to me. In December I wasn’t planning on doing a word, but God was saying, I want you to learn how to do things simply.

Gabe Cox 12:09
And so the question that I ask now as I decide to take on a role or when I’m doing my work, okay, so how can I do blank simply? So how can I get this project done simply? Not, you know I still want it done to the best of my availability. How can I do it more simply? How can I you know, take the boys to their activities and do it simply without the stress, you know, to keep that peace and to keep that balance? And I’ve really been encouraged by that because even in this busy season like I said, every season’s different, and this season ended up being busier than I wanted. But I have also realized once I get through this, once I get through the class I’m taking, and once we get through this busy meet season, it’s actually going to help come the next quarter to simplify things even more. It’s going to simplify my business a little bit. It’s going to simplify my workload as I get my systems in order, and as I figure out how to balance those things. And so asking that question, how can I do it more simply?

Sasha Star Robertson 13:19
Yeah, that’s great. And I hear, too, that once this is over, this season is preparing you for the next season. So it might get busy. It might get whatever else, but what you’re doing and learning and implementing now is going to help so greatly in that. I love that you talked about alignment. You talked about right alignment, where it’s God and then family and then your other things. When I think about this I also think about what we talked about earlier when you’re talking about equal portions of your schedule going to everything and this idea of balance. I think it’s important to sit down and write down what is your alignment for all the different areas of life that you have going on? What is the proper order that you would have established for your family time? For taking care of your home, for taking care of your business, for taking care of yourself and your health? And in writing down what they actually look like now, but then writing down what you would rather have them look like.

Sasha Star Robertson 14:19
And I remember doing this last summer. The summers always tend to be really busy seasons for us. And tourist season here in Alaska. The Airbnb is always like really towards the top of my list because I’m constantly in messaging. I was cleaning our own Airbnb at the time, trying to find a cleaner, just doing so much, and that’s not the alignment that I wanted. I wanted more time for my family and health and getting outside and taking care of the home that we lived in and my business and time with God. And it just, that was not the alignment. So I had to sit down and say, Okay, what’s actually happening now and what would I rather see? And that’s one of the things that came up for me when you were speaking to that right now. What are we sacrificing for something else? We don’t have to be 100%.

Sasha Star Robertson 15:07
And I joined this really intensive program that I’m in right now as well. I found myself trying to do the family time, trying to do the God time, trying to do all the things while I’m giving this program 100%. And I don’t have 700% inside of me to do all the things and so just realizing What I was really sacrificing in my life was sleep. But you can’t do that and you can’t do that consistently without finding yourself in a state of burnout and all these other things not taking care of yourself. And so that was me as I was, I wouldn’t say idolizing anything necessarily. But I found myself that I was staying up too late working on certain things and then also getting up way too early. But I was getting up early and going straight into these training sessions, these workshops, and all this other stuff, that I was missing out on my quiet time with God and so I had to realign that and rein it in because at that point it was becoming an idol when I’m jumping out of bed and going straight for that and not have my quiet time with God.

Sasha Star Robertson 16:10
Another thing that you touched on was like I phrase it as never pray for patience. I don’t know if you’ve heard that phrase, but when you pray for patience, God is going to bring about things in your life that are going to teach you patience and cause you to exercise a great level of patience. And so I hear that in your Word of the Year in simplicity and in looking at what’s going on now. And I had the same thing a couple of weeks ago I was almost having this like, it was just a really poor mindset one evening. And I was lamenting to my husband over my calendar because I was looking at it in a certain way. And my husband’s like, What I’m hearing you say is you’re in a state now where you have everything that you’ve been praying for and everything that you’ve been working for? Your word of the year is abundance, and your calendar is abundant. I was reminded that I talk about full but fulfilling days. And I talk about a schedule filled with purpose. And that’s the exact point I was at but my mindset was wrong.

Sasha Star Robertson 17:13
And I was letting the enemy get to me and telling me it was a bad thing that I was not going to be able to sleep in three days a week or five days a week or whatever, you know, and I was just looking at it from the wrong perspective. And so I was grateful for all the coaching that I’ve been in and been doing that my husband’s picked up on because he took the opportunity to help coach me through that and so, I agree. My word of the year is abundance and that’s what God has been showing me in so many different areas. He has been bringing about abundance in my life. And so just reminding myself that yeah, my schedule is abundantly full. It is filled with all kinds of things that are fulfilling. I am having time in the gym, I am having time with Him. I’m having time with my spouse, with my family, working on my business podcasts, and all these other things. So it’s actually a really good thing.

Sasha Star Robertson 18:02
And then the last thing that you touched on that I wanted to talk about was chores. My son is only two and a half and he has chores. His responsibility is when he’s done playing with a toy, he needs to clean it up and put it back in the toy room before we’re gonna do a different toy. He’s already in the habit of that. Sometimes I don’t even have to tell him. He knows he needs to pick up all of his legos and take them back to the toy room before I’m gonna let him play with Play-Doh. He starts cleaning up all on his own sometimes. Another chore that he has is when he’s finished eating, he needs to throw the trash in the trash and put his plate and fork and cup and whatever in the sink and so even at a very young age, our kids can do chores. Whenever we transfer the laundry, he loves helping and want to go down there and put the stuff from the washer to the dryer. And so just allowing him to have that independence and autonomy over taking care of himself and his surroundings, his home.

Sasha Star Robertson 18:10
And so I love that you brought that up. They don’t get an allowance. Like, no, you need to learn how to be a good steward of your home and of your environment. Because that’s part of what we do in life and how we become good adults because nobody’s paying me to clean my house. Nobody’s paying me to do the dishes or my laundry so props to you. I love that you brought that up and gave that tip as well to delegate things to your family. I see many moms who don’t do that. And in terms of their own healthy eating, they’ve gotta cook different meals for their kids and I’m like your kids are eight and 10 like they can cook their meals if they don’t want to eat the chicken and vegetables that you’ve made for dinner. But I’ll stop I’ll stop harping on that one, but it’s very important to me that we’re setting our families up for success, especially our kids. And not just being that example but equipping them. So, Gabe, any final thoughts that you’d like to leave with the audience or any tips.

Gabe Cox 20:04
I think tip-wise, embrace the season you’re in. Embrace where you’re at. It doesn’t mean you have to stay there. We need to grow right and we grow by getting that time with the Lord. So my biggest tip really is if you’re feeling rushed, if you’re playing busy, if you’re feeling unbalanced, look at where you’re spending your time and see if you’ve given the Lord five minutes of your day. See if you’ve spent some time alone in prayer or in the Word. If you haven’t, my challenge for you is to start there and to give that five minutes of quiet so He can help balance you. And actually, here’s a tip I got from one of my friends. Her name’s Michelle, and I was talking about how busy I was and how my schedule was just kind of overwhelming because of a lot of things I do. I like to plan out my week on Sundays. I have a weekly meeting with myself and I plan out what it looks like. It looks crazy on the calendar, but I only look at the one day. I feel like you can tackle one day at a time. And it’s totally okay. Then I was kind of complaining and she said, Well, have you given that to God? Have you asked Him to take control of your schedule? And I was like, I guess I didn’t ever think about doing that. But I started doing it and I really have seen a blessing through it because if it’s on my schedule, most likely it’s because I have to do it.

Gabe Cox 21:30
We can do hard, right so even in our little day-to-day schedules we can do hard things. We’re called to do hard things, but we do hard things through His strength. Not through our own. And so, we need to ask Him to come into our schedule and ask Him to take over and take the wheel. That’s what I would leave as encouragement for your listeners today.

Sasha Star Robertson 21:50
Incredible. That’s so valuable, asking God to take control of your schedule. I’m taking that as well. As soon as we’re off here, I’m praying that. So thank you so much, Gabe. I know you guys have heard we have very similar God assignments and missions and goals in life but we are very much two different people. So I want you to tell us, Gabe, where can people find you and connect and listen to more of what God puts on your heart to share?

Gabe Cox 22:24
Absolutely. So I have a podcast called Red Hot Mindset and you can find all details and links on my website at redhotmindset.com. I have a fun facebook group called Simplicity and Motherhood, and that’s kind of where you can really engage with me.

Sasha Star Robertson 22:41
Love it. Well, I’m gonna drop links for her social media connections, podcasts, website, all of that in the show notes so you guys should be able to click and go straight there. And then last question, Gabe, what does intentional abundance mean to you?

Gabe Cox 22:59
I love this question and when you were asking me about it in the beginning, I was like oh, I need to come up with something good. But honestly, intentional abundance means to me that I am in alignment with my assignment from God and that I’m doing my best each day for Him. I’m not seeking perfection. I’m seeking excellence in the things I’m doing. Intentional to me means that I am being purposeful in the things I’m doing, in the things I’m adding, in the work I’m doing, and all that. And really finding that joy. Abundance to me means I almost think abundance is laughter and joy and really feeling that blessing. And I feel like we are most blessed when we are in the will of God and doing His purpose which right now is a season of motherhood but it’s also a season of learning what are your giftings and where is he calling and just walking in step every day with what that is.

Sasha Star Robertson 23:58
I love it so much because that is so different than what I’ve heard before but it’s just so good, further developing this understanding of intentional abundance. Thank you so much, Gabe. I love that you were one here. I love everything you shared. You definitely gave some tips and inspiration and encouragement to me today and I know our listeners as well. So, thank you so much, and I hope you all have a very blessed day.

More about your Podcast Host

Sasha Star Robertson is an Intentional Living & Biblical Mindset Coach for busy Christian moms, wife of 13 years to her best friend, boy mom (blessed by adoption), travel addict, and Jesus freak. She is the founder of The Intentional Abundance Co., curator of the Life & Goals Planner, & host of the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast.

Sasha Star Robertson is an Intentional Living & Biblical Mindset Coach for busy Christian moms, wife of 13 years to her best friend, boy mom (blessed by adoption), travel addict, and Jesus freak. She is the founder of The Intentional Abundance Co., curator of the Life & Goals Planner, & host of the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast.

Would you benefit from having a coach helping you live Productively Peaceful days digging into Faithful Foundations, Purposeful Priorities, Mindset Mastery, & Simple Selfcare? This question is rhetorical, everyone would! Schedule a consult with Sasha to learn more about the IAM Coaching Program and to see if you’d be a good it. https://calendly.com/intentionalabundanceco/iamconsult

Desiring Community?

You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

063: When God Says, “Now Therefore Go…” and asks us to Step up and Speak, a thread from Exodus to Matthew

Summary

In this episode Sasha, in typical Sasha fashion, shows that transparency and lets you in on a little testimony from a recent struggle she faced, but also how God used her coach, a friend, and His word to speak (quite literally) life into her.

This episode starts off with a personal share and then goes into sermon mode as Sasha shares this incredible thread from scripture that God showed her in her quiet time one afternoon.

Leaving the episode with a challenging question, Sasha wants to know where God is calling you to step up to the mic and speak? Give the full episode a listen and then head on over to the Intentional Abundance Community on Facebook and share your answers.
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You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

Would you benefit from having a coach helping you live Productively Peaceful days digging into Faithful Foundations, Purposeful Priorities, Mindset Mastery, & Simple Selfcare? This question is rhetorical, everyone would! Schedule a consult with Sasha to learn more about the IAM Coaching Program and to see if you’d be a good it. https://calendly.com/intentionalabundanceco/iamconsult

Transcription

Coming Soon

062: 5 Steps to Creating Time Boundaries That Stick for Busy Christian Moms with Stefanie Gass

Summary

In this episode Sasha shares a powerful conversation with the one and only Stefanie Gass. Stef shares her 5 Steps to creating boundaries that stick. Not only that, but we get to talk about seasons of life/motherhood, Jesus, puppies, growth, scheduling, and SO much more. It’s time to get purposeful and focused in your priorities, show up efficiently and effectively in your life, and be intentional about the way you’re showing up. If there was ever an episode you don’t want to miss, this is it!

Special Guest Stefanie Gass shares about time boundaries, seasons of life, and so much more in episode 062 of the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast

Stefanie Gass is a Daughter of the King, wife, mama, coffee lover, and #pjsallday enthusiast!  She is the host of a top 25 ranked podcast for Christian Entrepreneurs, The Stefanie Gass Show.  Stef helps women uncover their callings and create profitable online businesses.  She wants women to create true change for themselves and God’s Kingdom by using their gifts for glory, and serving the world with a business that lights them up!  Stef believes that when we let God light our path, we will experience true miracles, live proactively, & design a life that fuels our soul.

Find more Stef at www.thestefaniegasshow.com

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Leave a review, screenshot it, then join us in the Intentional Abundance Community to get in on the Podcast Review Giveaway happening now! Someone is going to win over $100 goodie package from Sasha Star, is it going to be you?!? https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intentional-abundance/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/intentional-abundance/support

Transcription

Coming Soon

061: 3 Tips to Creating a Schedule that Actually Works for Busy Moms

Summary

In this episode Sasha digs into your schedule and shares 3 tips that are sure to help you create a schedule that actually works for you and your family. Creating a schedule that fits your lifestyle and helps you pursue the things that are meant for you in the season you’re in and the unique gifts and strengths God has equipped you with is one of Sasha’s passions. It also happens to be one of the top things she helps her clients find breakthrough in. It’s so easy for us as busy moms to allow the needs and demands of others to make our days disappear faster than we realize. But Sasha knows it’s not complicated to do ALL THE THINGS that are meant for you when you’ve got the right planning method and systems in place to lead productively peaceful days. Sasha breaks it all down in this episode and leaves you walking away with freedom and grace as you explore how your days look now, and how you would like them to look. She gives you examples and shares about the importance of flexibility in our schedules as busy moms. Sasha walks you through a 3 step process to creating your own flexible schedule. She gives you permission to say no to things at certain times so that you can say to things at certain times.

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Would you benefit from having a coach helping you live Productively Peaceful days digging into Faithful Foundations, Purposeful Priorities, Mindset Mastery, & Simple Selfcare? This question is rhetorical, everyone would! Schedule a consult with Sasha to learn more about the IAM Coaching Program and to see if you’d be a good it. https://calendly.com/intentionalabundanceco/iamconsult

You’re invited to join us in the Productively Peaceful Moms Club over on facebook! It’s a safe space where we can show up vulnerably and encourage each other, where ere share the mission of being the best mommas we can be through the grace and strength of Jesus Christ, where we encourage consistency and are able to hold each other accountable. We share scripture and talk about podcast episodes and pray for each other and set goals and so much more! You’re more than welcome here, you’re wanted here! https://www.facebook.com/groups/IntentionalAbundance

Transcription

Sasha Star Robertson 0:41
Hello sisters and welcome back to another episode of the Intentional Abundant Life podcast. I’m your host Sasha Starr Robertson, and I am super excited to dig into this episode with you today. I am going to be talking about your schedule as a mom. Is freedom a thing for busy Christian moms? And what does it look like to have a schedule that allows you to be productive and get stuff done? But also allows you the flexibility? So let’s do this intro thing, and then we will dive right in.

Sasha Star Robertson 1:24
Intro

Sasha Star Robertson 1:24
Okay, so first, here’s the deal. I always have to get into some personal stuff or whatever, before I start these podcast episodes because I feel like this is a really personal space for me to show up, and share my heart with you guys. And I do indeed want to know more about you ladies as well. I want to know more about my listeners and the Intentional Abundance Community is a really great place for you to jump in and do that.

Sasha Star Robertson 2:49
However, I’m not on social media at this particular moment my team is showing up they’ll send me screenshots of things from time to time and I’ll send them information of different things to post. So right now a couple of ways that we can connect one-on-one for some FaceTime is you can join us in the Best Yes book study. The book The Best yes by Lisa TurKeurst is one that’s been on my bookshelf for years. And so myself and a client and anyone else who’s in the Intentional Abundance Community is welcome to join. We meet on zoom at 7 am Alaska time every Thursday morning. We’ll watch the video or talk about stuff that we read in the book. And it’s just a great time to connect with other ladies to know that you’re not alone. And to just really find those are relatable moments. So join the Intentional Minutes Community. The link is always in the show notes. And you will find the Zoom link posted there basically every Wednesday to remind you guys to jump on Thursday morning.

Sasha Star Robertson 3:50
Another way again, the link is always in the show notes is to jump on a one-on-one consult with me. So just a reminder, this is not a high-pressure sales pitch. I am completely unattached on whether you decide to move forward with coaching, whether that is coaching with me or not. But I’d love to jump on and just give you the space to hold the space for you to talk about what are your dreams? What are you working to pursue or shift or transition in your life and where might there be struggles? Maybe I’m able to pull out some or diagnose even, I have air quotes right now. Some of those struggles are standing in your way. Whether that’s a mindset, whether that’s time management, or whether it’s a specific area of mindset. Maybe we’re able to come up with a real quick GamePlan for you to move forward.

Sasha Star Robertson 4:45
Or maybe it is something that I am going to refer you to move forward into coaching because I mean, honestly, who doesn’t need a life coach? I do. I have multiple coaches at any given time. I have a business coach. I have a health coach. Like I have multiple goals that I’m trying to pursue, and I know the importance of coaching and having people come alongside you and help do those. I actually just recently finished with a parenting coach that has been on this podcast and looking forward to doing a marriage coach here pretty soon. Not that we have problems but you can always be better right? We can always improve on our communication we can always be better at like loving and lifting up each other strengths. Anyways, I digress. I would love to jump on a one-on-one consult with you to hear your heart and that’s the only way truly you’re gonna know if coaching is for you. If the I am coaching is for you. If I’m the coach for you, and what it might look like. So, the link is in the show notes. If you want more information, let me know.

Sasha Star Robertson 5:49
I wanted to share with you guys too, as I mentioned a little bit ago, and if you’re an avid listener or follower of mine on social media, you already know I am on this social media fast. A podcast episode a couple of weeks ago came out where I talked about this season of obedience that God has been calling me into.

Sasha Star Robertson 6:08
And sorry if you hear some little noises in the background. That’s our puppy. She’s having little puppy dreams right next to me and it’s the cutest thing ever. Like how can you disturb that?

Sasha Star Robertson 6:21
Anyways, when I finished the triathlon back in mid- I don’t know what month was it? May I like jumped in the car as soon as I was done with straight to the adoption clinic because we had our eyes set on this sweet little puppy and she is just so great. Oh my goodness. She must have had a good day having all these puppy dreams.

Sasha Star Robertson 6:48
Okay, so I’ve been on this social media fast and I have to tell you it has been so amazing. For one I’ve been getting so much stuff done. I’ve still been crazy busy. I’m always crazy busy. I’m just a high-performance person. Right? But doing it from a space of peace and just not having that distraction. I can’t tell you how many dozens of times I’m like, oh, I should post this question on Facebook. Oh, I should post this picture on Instagram. Oh, I should take a picture of this moment. Whatever else, but I’m so not used to not sharing my life all the time. So you guys get to hear it here.

Sasha Star Robertson 7:27
I have been doing so many things. I planted my garden officially; so, I’ve got tons of squash. I think right now four kinds five kinds of squash in the ground got another one that’s like they’re the seeds are starting to pop. I gotta plant those here in a couple of days. I’ve started a new hobby of making my own cold brew, which is fantastic. Like, if you’re a busy mom and you are tired of drinking cold, regular coffee, Cold Brew is the way to go. It’s already ready for you in the morning. So you don’t even have to make it it’s delicious. You don’t need any fru fru add-ins or creamer or whatever else.

Sasha Star Robertson 8:08
I’m not sure if any of you have heard of George Bryant but he also has a podcast the Mind of George. He’s a business coach. He used to be this paleo blogger, I think he used to own I don’t know he’s owned lots of businesses. Anyways, he wrote this cold brew recipe book, and it was his like best seller ebook or whatever. Anyways, I scored it for free and it was life-changing. So surprisingly it’s after midnight right now that I’m recording this. I have had the craziest busy day but I am just so fired up to come and share this message with you guys because it’s something that I help so many of my clients do.

Sasha Star Robertson 8:53
If you guys are like me and some of my clients, you might have this ADHD or Freebird. Freebird is the word that comes up or the phrase that comes up a lot in relation to this, right? I don’t want to be tied down. I don’t want to like have a schedule that dictates every minute of every hour of my day. I want to have flexibility. I really enjoy the flexibility. Or maybe you’re like I have a toddler and a little baby. And so time blocking and scheduling out my entire day is not going to work for me. So, that is why I encourage and sit with a lot of my clients and help them create a Freebird schedule. So what does that look like? You’re actually going to sit down and you’re going to create a schedule of what are you already doing? First and foremost blackout, the hours of the day that you’re sleeping, obviously, you’re not doing much in those hours, besides rest and recovery and all the important things that come along with sleep.

Sasha Star Robertson 10:04
Block off the time in the morning that you have your quiet time with God. Block off the time in the morning that your kids are getting up and you’re feeding them breakfast or maybe you’re getting them out the door to school, or whatever else. Maybe every Thursday like me, you schedule yourself to go swimming. And maybe you know there’s a certain thing a Zoom call that you jump on every Monday at 10 am mark those things down that are already like calendar events, scheduled items that are repeating on your calendar, and then go and look at the time that you have open on your calendar. Is that first thing in the morning you know after you have breakfast, whatever else is there space on your calendar between there and the typical like lunchtime?

Sasha Star Robertson 10:55
What things do you normally find yourself doing in that time? One of the first things I have all of my clients start out with is a time tracker because just like starting a budget or buying clothes, you’re not just gonna grab a rack and go put it on. It’s a store you’ve never been in you don’t even know what size you are. You don’t even know what styles fit. You’re going to do a little bit of research before you just grab something off the shelf and go try it on and then leave defeated and disappointed because nothing fits and looks great. Right?

Sasha Star Robertson 11:28
You’re not going to just say when you’re making a financial budget for your family, Oh, we’re gonna spend $200 on food this month and $200 on gas this month and $1,500 on our mortgage, and then you realize oh actually, our mortgage payment is $2,300. And actually, we spend $1,000 on food, and gas prices have gone up and now we’re spending $500 a month on gas. Like you’re gonna look at what are you already spending before you try and allocate what you want to spend or try and budget it. So the same concept applies to creating your schedule.

Sasha Star Robertson 12:06
Look at what you’re already doing. Take a week. Sometimes it takes two to three weeks to get into the habit, or maybe your life changes so much on a weekly basis to get into the routine of tracking your time so that you know how to schedule your time. One of the number one things that I see people do wrong is they’re like, I want to make a schedule for my family and myself to stick to. And they’re just like, here’s my ideal schedule in a dream world. Like if I lived at Walgreens, right, the corner of happy and healthy. This is what I would do. And then you’re like, Oh yeah, my mom tells her it’s gonna interrupt me for snacks like every two seconds, or, Oh yeah, I’m a wife and I have a husband with needs, and Oh yeah, I forgot I said I would do that thing for this friend or for the church or whatever else. Look at what you’re already doing before you sit down to make a schedule, please. Number one tip.

Sasha Star Robertson 13:07
And then when you go through and calendar your items, you’re marking down the things that are kind of like those non-negotiables are saying quiet time and feeding your kids breakfast and lunch and dinner. Maybe you have quiet time with your family every evening. Maybe your bedtime routine takes like an hour. I know mine does which is weird. Because we’ve been doing the same thing for almost three years. But put down those things that you know you’re going to do and most of us will find time on our calendar almost daily that isn’t blocked out with a specific time-bound task.

Sasha Star Robertson 13:49
And maybe that’s between you know, 9 am and noon. Maybe it’s between one and 3 pm Whatever that time is for you. Look at it, look at your time tracker, and what kind of things do you typically find yourself doing in that window? Maybe it’s playing Mario Kart for an hour a day? Maybe it’s reading books, maybe it’s serving the needs of others. Maybe it’s scrolling social media. The gist is, are there things that you find yourself typically in that somewhat open space on your calendar, things that are actually in the pursuit of your purposeful priorities? Are they actually helping you achieve your goals and get to where you’re trying to go?

Sasha Star Robertson 14:40
Are they actually things that are benefiting you in the big picture? Are they serving your top priorities for the year and what you’re trying to focus on this season and your main values in life because if not, you are wasting precious, precious hours of your day.

Sasha Star Robertson 15:00
But I’m also not saying that every moment of every day you have to be doing something extremely purposeful right? When I say Mario Kart, that’s purposeful time for me because one, it’s a quality time thing that my husband and I do. But my son loves it when we play Mario Kart, he will actually bring me the controller. And he has this little old steering wheel from our Nintendo Wii that he says is his controller and he just loves sitting there and watching us race. And so it is a quality time thing that is purposeful. Maybe I don’t need to spend an hour doing it. Maybe I can do like 15 minutes or less and do one round of races versus allowing it to consume too much of my time. But without doing my time tracker and knowing where my time is going. I’m not realizing how much of it might be getting away from me.

Sasha Star Robertson 15:53
So when you sit down and look at that window of time that you have available, and you look at your time tracker and you look at your goals and you’re comparing, what I strongly encourage is not to say oh well from 9 am to 9:30 I’m gonna do this, and then 9:30 to 10 I’m gonna do that, and then 10 to 11 I’m going to do this. Don’t be so specific; incorporate flexibility into your life. Especially as a busy mom, it is so really important for us to do this.

Sasha Star Robertson 16:25
So in this time block that I have between 9 am and noon every morning on my calendar, or every Monday and Tuesday, and Thursday, these are the list of appropriate items that I am able to pursue in that time. And then you’re going to write out a list. So you know your morning time block. If you want that to be focusing on your kids and homeschooling them, it doesn’t have to be sitting at a table and doing a curriculum. It can be going outside and exploring something. It can be taking them to the museum. It can be you know, something different, but make a list of what is approved during that time. If it’s, I’m gonna pursue this God-given dream that he’s given to me, maybe it’s writing you maybe you’re trying to be a writer, but you can’t just say oh, this is my scheduled time of when I’m going to write: nine to noon every day. Right?

Sasha Star Robertson 17:26
You have to incorporate a list of allowable items in that time. What are some of the things that you typically do before that creativity kicks in? Maybe your list is going to look like: I’m going to go outside and get some fresh air, I’m going to read Scripture and pray for 20 minutes, or I don’t know, whatever brings up the creativity for you to help unlock that. Allow those other things to be in that space too.

Sasha Star Robertson 17:52
Or maybe you’re trying to pursue a business, maybe it’s coaching people through a specific thing that God has walked you through and given you this vision and given you this heart to be able to do. Okay, what kinds of things are allowed in that time window to help you pursue that goal or that dream?

Sasha Star Robertson 17:55
For me, I have a certain time on my calendar that works specifically for podcasting. That doesn’t mean I’m sitting down recording a podcast every time that that is on my calendar. I might be interviewing somebody else. I might be creating more podcast ideas from the market research I’ve done with you guys. I may be writing up show notes or catchy taglines. I might be editing a podcast that I recorded previously with a guest and scheduling it. I might be creating other podcast content to send off to my team you know through a different app. I have a time block that says podcasts. But there’s a whole list of activities that I’m allowed to do in that time.

Sasha Star Robertson 19:03
And I have other blocks on my calendar that is for work, but I try to be more specific. What kind of work? Okay, so this time block is specifically for serving clients. And so when I have clients, they go into that bucket, and it’s not space where I’m going to be like scrolling social media for work. How is that work? I’m asking myself, too. This is probably why I’m not on social media.

Sasha Star Robertson 19:31
But I’m also not doing podcasting at that time because that is a different time block on my calendar? I have time blocked on my calendar Tuesdays, that’s family time. I’m not going to allow work or volunteer roles or cleaning my home, stuff like that, to come into that space because that time is blocked out and protected for my family. That doesn’t mean that we have to sit there in a circle and hold hands. That doesn’t mean that we have to cuddle. Thre’s a whole list of things, even stuff that’s not on our list, that we’re allowed to do as long as we’re together in that and we’re not going and doing something that’s taking away from that quality family time.

Sasha Star Robertson 19:44
So, I’ve given a list of examples. I hope that you guys are understanding what I am saying here in terms of these time blocks. Even if you are a person who is like, I don’t even want to put this specific time block of work or something like that. You can be a little bit more broad. You can even put, I have this time from nine to noon and my options are to read a book; to write a blog post; to check social media for up to fifteen minutes at a time; to go for a walk; to clean the house. Maybe you have a broader list of things but you end up spending that time doing unproductive activities that you would kind of like to reign your life in a little bit and create a list of productive activities but be more broad. That is allowed too.

Sasha Star Robertson
This is a Freebird schedule. This is you looking at your life, your time, tracking it where you’re at now and seeing where it is lining up with your purposeful priorities, with your values, and with your goals. And if it’s not, then make those adjustments. Then finding a way to, Yes, even though you love freedom, even though you don’t want to be constricted and tied down, your schedule should not have to look like every hour of every day or every half-hour of every day being assigned for you do to something.

Sasha Star Robertson
And I want to let you guys in on a little secret here, I rarely ever clean the house. Don’t worry, my house is typically pretty clean. My husband does help; he is not allergic to cleaning by any means. But Saturday evenings are my time reserved for cleaning. And I do this because I want to honor and respect the Sabbath. And I don’t want to be looking at a mess when I’m trying to rest and being worried about, I should be taking care of that.

Sasha Star Robertson
So, every Saturday afternoon or evening I start the process of making sure all the dishes in the sink are clean, making sure the trash is taken out, making sure the floors are swept, trying to make sure all the laundry is washed. Just a lot of those bigger items that we could see. Any major messes. I make my son help me clean up the toys and make sure they’re all in the toy room before he goes to bed on Saturday night. So, that is a time block for me where it is for housecleaning. There’s a whole list of items I just ran through that are allowable in that time frame, but I need to be doing something that is cleaning. And I’m able to do that so that I’m able to rest on Sunday, my Sabbath, where I try not to work at all.

Sasha Star Robertson
But also because I’ve made sure the rest of my time throughout the week is doing other purposeful things. Even if the purposeful thing is spending quality time with my son or spending quality time outside or gardening or reading or doing other things that bring peace and joy into my life. It doesn’t have to be doing something that’s checking off a to-do list item or avidly in pursuit of your goals like learning and growing and doing mindset work. I’m rolling my eyes as I’m saying this because I’ve been heavy in that season. But I want you guys to know that it’s okay to make a schedule that works for you, that works for your family, and it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. And if you need help doing that, I love helping my clients do that, truly. It does not take a ton of time. The first thing I’m going to ask you to do is to track your time and then we’re going to look at your ideal schedule and we’re going to match them up. And sometimes you’re going to need some accountability. Like, Uh, I don’t really feel like doing this today, or maybe you do need some extra eyes on those white spaces on your calendar to help you prioritize that Freebird list. That’s what I’m here for, sister.

Sasha Star Robertson
That is not the only thing that I am here for. I also help my clients establish and live from these really strong and sturdy faithful foundations. I also love to dig deep into the mindsets that can step in the way and hold us back from creating these schedules, from being obedient to these schedules, from being obedient to the call that God has on your life. And I also love helping busy moms make sure that they are prioritizing their self-care. But it’s simple, Biblical self-care. It’s not pedicures and chocolate. However, I am highly due for a pedicure and I love me some chocolate.

Sasha Star Robertson
So, that is it for today. I hope you are all doing super well. I miss touching base with you all on social media, but again you can jump on that Zoom Thursday morning, you can schedule a one-on-one consult with me, and I am here for you sister, cheering you on from the Intentional Abundant Life podcast. Have a God blessed week.

Sasha Star Robertson
So, just as a recap, these three tips for creating a schedule that actually works for busy moms is: Step 1: track your time before you go in. Don’t throw spaghetti at a wall. Know what you’re actually doing with your time. Step 2: Is to evaluate that and see where it matches up or where it doesn’t align with your purposeful priorities, and your values, and your goals, things that you’re trying to strive for and to do in your life. Where is it not lining up and how can you fill in that gap to make up that time? And step 3: Look for that white space on your calendar or that space on your calendar that you wern’t actually pursuing thigns that were in alignment with your goals and your purposeful priorities. Maybe it was time that you were, for lack of better terminology, wasting, scrolling social media, or oversleeping. You’re a mom, that’s probably not a reality. But looking for the time on your calendar that you’re not doing what is pursuing those purposeful priorities or time on your calendar that is a little bit more open and then making a list of allowable things in that space.

Sasha Star Robertson
So, again, not scheduling something every thirty minutes or every hour and making these strict time blocks for yourself with very specific tasks that need to be completed, but instead blocking out that space on your calendar and giving yourself a list of approvable activities and to-do list items within there. And the 4th bonus one that I’ve thrown into this episode is making sure that you’re incorporating things in your schedule that are those simple, Biblical self-care tasks. Things like reading or going for a walk or spending time outside, making sure not everything on your schedule and your to-do list is about being productive and pursuing more and growing but that you’re also allowing yourself to just be and enjoy your life.

060: The Life Changing and Eternal Power of a Praying Mother with Moms in Prayer President Sally Burke

Summary

In this episode Sasha is blessed to chat with President of Moms in Prayer International, Sally Burke about prayer. They discuss how were invited into prayer with God, how prayer works, praying scripture back to God, the power of prayer, victorious prayer, the benefits of praying together with prayer partners, prayer being the antidote of fear and stress, and SO much more.

Special Guest Sally Burke, President of Moms in Prayer International on the Podcast sharing about Prayer

Sally fully believes in the power of prayer because she has witnessed God move through moms in prayer in over 160 different countries.

Sally shares so much encouragement, tips for motherhood and prayer life, as well as real life examples so that we all walk away from this episode like with a breath of fresh air towards motherhood.

Connect with Moms in Prayer International on their website at momsinprayer.org on their facebook https:/www.facebook.com/MomsinPrayerinternational/ or on Instagram @momsinprayer. 

Transcription

Sasha Star Robertson 0:20
Intro

Sasha Star Robertson 1:11
Hello sisters and welcome back to another episode of the Intentional Abundant Life Podcast. I’m here with a very special guest today, one that I met just about a month maybe two months ago, and she was up here for a speaking engagement that God just really said Sasha, you need to go and I was blessed by it. I know so many other moms were blessed by it as well. And our guest today is Sally Burke who is the president of Moms in Prayer International. She has a vision of more children and schools and moms to experience God’s life-changing answers to prayer. Sally is also an international speaker, teacher, and author of Raise Them Up, Start With Praise, Unshaken, and the Unshaken study guide. She and her husband Ed now have four grown children, a son-in-law, two daughters-in-law, and four grandchildren. Thank you so much for being here with us, Sally. If there’s anything else you’d like to add to that wonderful bio, we’ll take it.

Sally Burke 2:16
Well, it’s so fun to be here and it was great to be in Alaska. Oh my goodness, you guys are amazing. You’re very courageous, as I ran into moose and different animals like that, but the part that I loved about being in Alaska was the people with beautiful hearts with beautiful souls, and to be at your church, and watching all those people get baptized. Yay!

Sasha Star Robertson 2:40
Yes, yes, it was wonderful. I was super blessed we went to this awakened hope in Alaska and got to hear from you and Kathy and Audrey and so many others and the next day was Sunday and going to church there at ABT. I was just like, wow, the whole message just really spoke to my heart. It was a lot of what you’ll hear here on the podcast and just how to really live these intentionally abundant lives. It first starts with these faithful foundations with knowing who you are in Christ and being rooted in His Word and focused on His peace that surpasses understanding and a huge part of that comes through prayer, through Scripture leaning on that, and then prayer, and the power of prayer. And so Sally, being president of moms in prayer, I know you have a heart for prayer. And so I’m just eager to like turn my ear to whatever God has to speak to you, through you to us about prayer.

Sally Burke 3:45
Well, first, I want you to know as a young mom, as a brand new Christian, and all I knew was that God would bless my kids as I prayed. You know, we have not because we asked not, and just as the name of your podcast is, He wants to abundantly bless us and measurely bless us. So a woman invites me to a Moms in Prayer group, and we use four simple steps of prayer. Praise, silent confession, thanksgiving, and intercession. I never prayed out loud before. And I walk into that group and they just welcomed me in. And it took me a while to learn to open my mouth and pray. Even though it was simple, we use God’s word. It wasn’t hard. But yet God would… He has done these 30 some years… I mean, to take a woman like me, who just began to know the Word of God and now I teach people all over the world about prayer. You know it’s been an incredible journey a mighty journey that He wants to take each one of these listeners on, that intentional abundant life that He wants to take them on, and prayer is part of that.

Sasha Star Robertson 4:54
Amen. I could not agree more I love that you had talked about that because I know… Man, I already have so much to say off of one little thing you said. First, I want to go back to, what you were talking about, you use the word invite. And it stuck out to me; someone invited you. And that’s how I ended up at this Awaken Hope event was somebody personally invited me, and I feel like that’s the same thing God is doing all day every day. He is just inviting us into a relationship with Him, inviting us to speak to Him, inviting us to sit in His presence and hear back from him what He has to say. And so I just heard you say that word invite and I was like yeah, He invites us into that space with him.

Sasha Star Robertson 5:44
But you had mentioned too how to pray. You didn’t even know you were a new believer and a new mom. And you’re like, I don’t even know how to pray. I don’t know how to open my mouth and pray. And I remember I started working for our church shortly after becoming a believer and one of the things that we did was every week we would meet and pray over all of the anniversaries, all of the birthdays, all of the missions, like ministries, all these different things in our church, all the activities that were coming up, and we would go around all the staff and kind of Round Robin and pray, and I did not know how to pray out loud. I was so anxious, but just getting in that habit and that act really helped me like, Okay, this is how I pray. And so do you have anything that you could encourage maybe some of these new moms that are new in the faith? They’re like, I don’t know how to pray. I don’t even know where to start.

Sasha Star Robertson 6:35
I love every single thing that you said there. One, he does invite us he draws us to himself. He says we can boldly and confidently enter that throne room of grace, to find mercy and help in our time of need. And that’s every day, every day. I need His help. But He also tells us when we know not how we ought to pray, the holy spirit prays through us so He never judges us by our words. He knows the intent of our heart, and He wants that relationship. And that’s all prayer is, is communicating with God. And that’s why we pray back His word, too. It’s so simple like where Jesus taught us, Our Father who art in heaven, and just beginning with that, oh, Lord, You’re my father. You’re in heaven, this world belongs to you. You want to talk to me. Hallowed be your name.

Sally Burke 7:27
It’s just almost as reading His word and just praying it back to Him, seeing who our God is, and falling in love with Him. You know, he already loves us. We already know that He sent His only begotten Son, you know, and he loves us, but to fall in love with him by knowing who our Father is. And then we stand firm. We’re not shaken. We’re not tossed to and fro. Because we know who our Abba, our mighty God is. I’m going to start listening to your podcast every week. I love what you’re sharing.

Sasha Star Robertson 7:59
I, just like we prayed beforehand, I just pray, you know, that if there’s anything I’m gonna say that is incorrect or not true to God’s word that He would just put a muzzle on my mouth. Not perfect by any means. But Sally, I love that you talked about praying His Word back to Him. I remember a friend had told me that’s why she loves the Psalms because they’re like the songs that it’s almost like God had them written to us. But then when we read them or sing them, it’s like us singing them back to him and just how it’s just this beautiful reciprocal relationship. I know Moms in Prayer has almost a similar resource or tool where you have guides that are put out or something of that nature. Prayer sheets. God’s Word. Plug in your child’s name or whoever else and pray that scripture over someone.

Sally Burke 8:55
We have so many free resources, you can go to our website momsinprayer.org but it’s a prayer sheet. So it takes you through the four steps it will take you like God is sovereign, and then it has scripture and you read the Scripture. And then you’re right, it has the Scripture. How do you know God’s going to answer your prayer for your child? If you pray according to His will, what’s His will, the mighty Word of God, and that never ever comes back void. It always fulfills God’s purpose. So, I pray almost every day that my kids would love God with all their heart, with all their mind, with all their soul, all their strength, and love others as they love themselves, you know.

Sally Burke 8:59
Or like the Psalms. The Psalms are so powerful because life is hard. And we see that in David’s life. But yet God is good. God did not forsake Him. God did not leave him. In fact Psalms, our women are going through the book of Psalms. That’s one of the studies that they’re doing. It’s a mighty victorious battle cry. Right here right now we’ve got to be praying for our children. It’s an intense battle for their lives and their souls. So we at Moms in Prayer are rising up bold and we are praying for them, and God is answering our prayers. We’re seeing revival and spiritual awakening. Because again, it’s His word. It’s His heartbeat. He wishes none should perish but all should come to repentance. So we’re on God’s team. We’re on God’s side. And so he’s just leading us forward with his word on how to pray.

Sasha Star Robertson 10:19
Yes, amen. You mentioned the Psalms and you know, and how, it’s wonderful because it’s David and talking about life is hard. And it’s like, yeah, we all know that. And I remember through our first adoption journey, we had fallen on some very hard times. And we were going through the Bible in a year plan at the time. And we were in the Psalms at that time, and I remember just opening up my Bible and reading that day’s scripture passage. And I was almost offended by it a little bit because it was David lamenting about how his soul is distressed and I was just like, okay, so you understand, but why God? And so now, you know, I’m able to look back and see like, no, He had his plan, and His will to be done. And it was far, far greater than anything I could have ever planned or painted or imagined that we get to care for the boy that we do. We get to have the relationship with his birth parents that we do. And it was a rocky road and a rocky journey.

Sasha Star Robertson 11:33
But you know, that’s relevant to our adoption story, but I think it’s so relevant to just… Life, and just like you’re saying in the Psalms, life is hard. And what do we do in those hard times is, we turn to God and we turn to Scripture, and He has so much in there for us. And you know, I always wonder, how do people even… How do women be moms without scripture, and without prayer? I’m sometimes a hot mess with all of those things, right? Where I’m like, just continually turning to repentance and I just see motherhood is such a part of our sanctification journey. And so I love that you said, too, it’s about falling in love with Him. He already loves us but it’s about falling in love with Him.

Sasha Star Robertson 12:25
Yes, and to know He’s for us. In Psalms 56:9, King David is captive of the Philistines in Gath. Now, remember the giant he killed Goliath of Gath. And this is what he says, he knows, This I know, when I call on You, You’re going to turn my enemies. This I know, You are for me. And I pray every mommy knows, that every single mom knows that God has for them. He has hand-picked you, mom. With the children you have, before the foundation of this world. And He who began that good work in your children and you will complete it. But I pray. I pray so much you know God is for you. He’s just waiting to come alongside you and lead you forward on those paths of righteousness for His namesake. I love it that you need to lay down in green pastures you get to have your soul restored, you know? So, so He is for you. He everybody has a story. Everybody has a journey, and just like what you shared and you did it so beautifully is life is hard. We live in a fallen world. You know, it’s broken. And yet we watch… God can restore souls, he can restore lives. He can do a measurement more than we asked or imagined. You know, so yes.

Sasha Star Robertson 13:42
Yeah, I love that. I’m just over here. Yes and Amen. All the way. One of the things that you had touched base on at the Awaken Hope event that I was really inspired by because I want to say maybe not even a month prior to I was listening to another message from somebody and just about this idea of like fear and stress, overwhelm, anxiety, and burden, and all of this that’s just you know, rampant in life at times I feel like but, but primarily in speaking to moms, and how you had kind of come up with this in your message. You were sharing about it and where that leads us and what kind of symptoms we can see in our life but also almost like this antidote. That’s what I put down. I don’t know if those were your words, but I put, antidote equals So would you share a little bit about that?

Sasha Star Robertson 14:32
Yeah well, fear is one of the greatest tools that the enemy uses against God’s people. And I shared with, I believe it was introduced in the Garden of Eden, when the Eve had the fear of missing out and she could have any tree but she wanted the one tree and as soon as she disobeyed God, bit into the apple, fear then became an eighth fear that’s that we were born with and some of those fears are good, you know, like a baby has a fear of falling and different things like that. But if we continue in fear and continue in stress that releases a stress hormone, that that hurts our brains, that shrinks our brains that paralyzes us. And yet we can be set free from that. We can make new neural pathways and I was sharing a little bit about that. And it’s so interesting, and this is where science catches up to God God is the greatest scientist ever.

Sally Burke 15:27
But as we praise God, and thank God, and then there’s this, this hormone that drips down it’s like dopamine it’s a feel-good neurotransmitter. So with every praise, as they would take a picture of a person praising God, they could see it just saturate the brain. And that sets you free from that fear that so easily entangles us and God tells us Be anxious for nothing, but in all things by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to him. And he’ll give you that peace that’s beyond understanding. He’ll guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. And I would witness it in our mom’s in her group. So we meet one hour once a week and these moms come in with heavy burdens. They come in with you know, they feel overwhelmed. They feel like they’re defeated. They feel like they can’t do anything to change the circumstances that are happening here on this earth.

Sally Burke 16:20
And when God wants to change the circumstances that are happening here on this earth, He looks for an intercessor and whose heart He can place His well. So we walked into those groups with heavy burdens scared kittens, shaking. We would begin to praise God according to name, according to attribute, and according to character. We would confess silently our fears, our worries; then we would thank God. Every week we would see answers to prayer, small ones, a child learning to eat, to big ones, a child receiving Jesus Christ as their Lord, Savior, or a whole school, witnessing Jesus as theirs. It was amazing. And then we would pray using God’s Word. Well, those women left. That group is a courageous lioness, you know, nobody could defeat them, nobody could get between them and their children.

Sally Burke 17:08
But week after week as they did that their brain was becoming retrained. Just like a great athlete. It became a habit, a way of life for them. So when fear tried to come in, their natural instinct would be praise and thanksgiving. Oh, I remember who God is. Oh, God is greater than them the enemy God is greater than this fear. Oh, Lord, thank You that You took me through last month, trials and tribulation. And pretty soon they began to be conquerors you know, courageous faith. Just walk around inviting other women. Come join us; you’re scared, you’re frightened. Oh, I have the antidote for you. And just one hour, once a week, they will be transformed, but not only them, the children, the children will be transformed. The school will be transformed. The teachers were transformed.

Sally Burke 17:54
We saw just the most amazing answers to prayer and that’s not surprising, right? Because God can do anything. But that we… Every answer to prayer we’re like Whoa, whoa, you know how that happened? You know, we, were just blown away and it was because of prayer.

Sasha Star Robertson 18:09
Yeah. I love that. You were just reminding me of, my husband and I just had a podcast episode recently and he was talking about doing your best every day but how every day is different. Some days your best is survival. Everyone’s sick and you know, whatever else, cranky, and then and then other days your best is like you’re checking off all the marks on the to-do list. But one of the things that we were talking about in there was kind of this you have these valleys and then how do you get through them is like with God. But then what do you do when you’re on the mountaintop the next time? It’s staying with God and it’s keeping that connection and it’s making sure when you’re in that like mountaintop environment that you’re still doing what’s necessary to equip yourself through that next valley and making sure that next hill is going to be even easier to climb and, and I was just thinking about this.

Sasha Star Robertson 18:33
We live in a very hilly neighborhood, and we go for walks quite frequently, and I’ll go for a walk now and I won’t even get winded on a hill that I used to have to stop and take multiple breaks on. But it’s that consistency and almost like when you were talking about that one hour a week the word steadfast just came up to me. And it’s making sure we’re staying plugged in and connected and how it truly has the power to change those neural pathways and change your thought processes. I was thinking about I think it’s 1 Peter 5:7 where he says, Cast all your anxieties on me because I care for you. And just remembering that and it’s through this process of consistency and staying close to Him and staying in prayer and rewriting those neurological pathways that we’re able to have His Word on our hearts and our minds and so when the enemy’s snares do come up, we’re able to say nope, that’s not for me. Like I am a child of God. I am over here that is not okay. I’m not gonna get trapped into that.

Sasha Star Robertson 19:05
And so I love that you mentioned that. A quote that I had written down from you before was our kids need a mom that turns her worry to worship and just them being able to see that. And I think that’s one of the biggest ways I hear all the time, but how do I make sure my children like grow up to love and serve the Lord and, you know, stay strong in their faith and whatever else. And I mean, yeah, we can teach them things, but I think it’s more caught than taught and just allowing them to see us pray to see us fall to our knees and worship when times are hard or we’re worrying.

Sasha Star Robertson 20:54
But then also to be doing that behind closed doors and to be doing that with a team of other powerful moms. Some of the testimonies that you have to share and things that you’ve witnessed I know are just mind-blowing in terms of what God is truly able to do when we storm His gates. You had said, you know, when God wants to change the circumstances, he looks for an intercessor here on Earth. And aren’t we all that right if we allow ourselves to be in that position to be His hands and feet and to be molded by His will? I see that for each and every mom that’s listening on here like what power He has given us in our hands.

Sally Burke 21:45
I want you to think about the full armor of God. So he tells us to put on that full armor of God. And I always think of Thanksgiving where we’re holding up that shield of faith with every remembrance of answers to prayer. You know that today I have breath, today. And that knocks down every single fiery dart but God doesn’t say after that, Go and slay does He? He says, No, go and pray. So we stand in the gap for our children. You know, we’re the ones that are gonna stand in the gap. God loves our kids the most, then we’re next. We become those mama bears or those mama mooses as you were talking about. Somebody’s gonna come after our kids, or we’re going to battle them but the best place we can battle them is on our knees. We can take worry and turn it into worship, we can take panic and turn it into praise. And as we do that, our kids’ lives will be forever changed and touched by God. We’ll be forever changed and touched by God. You know, my kids learn to pray. As I learned to pray. I prayed with them. I still do pray with them. But I love how Paul says follow me as I follow Christ. And that’s all we really can do for our kids. Follow me as I follow Christ, and we want our kids to be to fulfill the great destiny that God has for them. And so prayer is part of that, prayer is part of it where we pray for them and we watch God move in their lives. And then they pick up that mantle of prayer, and they pray and they move heaven and earth, you know for their children and their children’s children. So yes, it’s definitely caught more than it’s taught and when my kids were little sometimes I catch myself losing my temper, right? And so I go oh, just a minute Mommy needs to go meet Jesus. And I would go somewhere alone and be with Jesus and come back out and pretty soon the kids caught the transformation. They go, Mommy, you need to go be with Jesus. And they saw it. It was amazing. They also saw the difference when I was praying for their school. And my oldest boy was going into middle school and I was only gonna pray for the elementary school because I had three I think I was pregnant with my fourth and had two in elementary school, and he sat me down and says, Oh, no, Mom. You’re gonna have to pray for my middle school too. He knew the difference. He didn’t want to go to that school campus without me praying in a Moms in Prayer group because he knew the Army of Women was going to come alongside and battle for him.

Sasha Star Robertson 24:15
Yes, so powerful. I’m hearing all of this and I just want to know, I want our listeners to know more about Moms in Prayer because like I had said, prior to this Awaken Hope event I didn’t really know much about Moms in Prayer, didn’t know what it was, what it looked like, where to connect, or what it was even about. So would you mind sharing a little bit more about Moms in Prayer, you’re talking about praying for your kids, but also praying for schools. So what is all that?

Sally Burke 25:15
Yes. It’s so simple. It started in 1984 when one mom, our founder, Fern Nickels, was burdened for middle schoolers, and so she called another mom, says help me, and I believe God allowed the burden to be so heavy that that other mom came alongside of her. Well, pretty soon they saw so many answers to prayer that it began to spread. And today we’re in 100 and over 160 countries around the world. God has an incredible plan for your children. He’s raising up women in over 160 countries around the world. We meet locally.

Sally Burke 25:49
So in my town of Temecula, I meet with a group, there in Temecula. There are several groups because there are several elementary schools, there are several middle schools and high schools. So we meet, we pray for a local school, or if you’re my age and my kids are grown, then I meet with other moms or we pray for grandkids or we continue to pray for our kids, but we always cover a school. Children will always be going to school whether you homeschool, like Jen, your state coordinator of Alaska is a homeschool mom.

Sally Burke 26:55
We always gather together where two or more are gathered he’s right there in the midst of us and with the power, there is into we saw that with Moses when the children of Israel battled and his two friends lifted up his arms and that’s what we do for one another. We lift up our arms and prayer until we see victory. And we see tremendous answers to prayer. I don’t know when… I can share that now. Or you can ask me more questions because I know I just shared a lot.

Sasha Star Robertson
Well, I would just say… I just wanted to say I had Homeschooling with like a question mark next to that, because I was like, Where does that fit in? But I mean, I was gonna ask you that was one of my next questions about some of these like victories that you’ve seen or, or maybe even if you have stories too of where you are praying for one thing, but did it ever turn out to be something different than what you were praying for and just seeing God work in ways that are beyond our understanding?

Sally Burke
Those are so good, so many good questions. Well, I’ll give you an example of one school, it was our kids’ Elementary School. And we began to see so many answers to prayer for kids that God just placed on our hearts to pray for every child. So we pray for every child. May they hear the words of truth, the gospel of salvation, believe, and be sealed with the power of the Holy Spirit. And God answered that by bringing a good news club. This is a public school good news club at over 100 Kids came to that. And many of them, so many of them received Jesus, and today their teachers and preachers and moms and dads for Christ. Well, we also pray for the teachers we love the teachers. This is an opportunity.

Sally Burke
Sometimes a mom will come into my Mom prayer group, and she’s there because she doesn’t like that teacher. She wants that teacher removed. You know, she’s not happy. And so I said, Oh, we pray for that teacher. And if the teacher doesn’t know Jesus, may their eyes be open, may they turn from darkness to light, from the power of Satan to the power of God so they can be forgiven of their sins and have a place among those who are sanctified by faith in Christ. Well, 15 out of the original 22 teachers, we prayed for came Jesus Christ, and usually, at the end of the year, that’s that Mama’s favorite teacher that she’s ever had. Because she’s prayed for them so God didn’t remove that teacher, He saved that teacher.

Sally Burke
And then teachers and prayer gathered together on that campus. So here’s a public school campus and kids are coming to know Jesus, teachers are coming to know Jesus. And we would pray about the curriculum. Oh Lord, if this curriculum isn’t good may you remove it. And we have this one young teacher, she was all for it and wasn’t good, but we Oh, lord. So he answered that by removing that curriculum but saving that teacher, her husband, and her four kids.

Sally Burke
And it’s amazing. So this is why we pray and this is why you know, I can’t help but share it. And that’s just one school. I would love Alaska, every school is covered. I would love the United States, every school covered. We’re only at 11%. So, audience, help spread this ministry. We’re throughout the world, but I’d love to see it wherever there’s Moms in Prayer, revival, and spiritual awakening, where there’s not, we’re missing out on what God wants to do.

Sasha Star Robertson
Yes, so powerful. I’m just hearing like miracles happen every day. When we are praying for them, and I love that you talked about that. You know, I remember times where… I had a landlord once that it was just like, and I was fairly new in my faith at this time, and I was just like, I was feeling a lot of yucky feelings towards her. And I just felt really convicted by the Holy Spirit. You need to pray for her. Because it’s that whole idea, you know, hurt people hurt people. Kind of a thing and once I started praying for her, everything changed for me, nothing about the circumstances changed. But God really changed my heart towards her.

Sasha Star Robertson
And so I hear this a lot too, you know, and what you’re saying, you know, mom comes in, I want this teacher removed, but by the end of the year teachers saved and now it’s the mom’s favorite teacher. And so, God is just amazing in the way that he works, and I love that you shared that, you know, a lot of times he does answer prayers differently than what we think. And so I think it’s so important to really be leaning into his understanding and not our own. And I love that kind of Moms in Prayer I think sets the example really with the prayer sheets and with that direction of praying scripture because you can’t really go wrong when you’re doing that. Right.

Sasha Star Robertson
It removes your will out of it a lot in really focuses it and pushes it back on focusing on his will. So wow, just so much that we’ve covered already. I’ve got a page full of notes here. I love that you had shared you know Mommy needs to go be with Jesus. I’m gonna start using that as well. Because I know like we were talking about kids, kids see what’s caught more than taught and they might correct us, well sounds like Mommy needs to go be with Jesus right now. But then they might see those moments too where it’s like nope, I’m not being kind and gentle right now. I need to go be with Jesus.

Sasha Star Robertson
And so I guess just touching back on the homeschool thing because I don’t know specifically for a lot of my listeners, but I think some of them are homeschooling moms and so they’re still welcome and moms in prayer, obviously they’re still Welcome to Star moms in prayer. And, and I think to me, the thing that comes up biggest is even if we’re homeschooling moms, even if our kids aren’t going to the public school system or the nearest public school, there’s often a chance that they’re still interacting with them or even kids at their church or their friends might be in the public school system. So it’s still very important to be praying for local schools as well.

Sally Burke
It’s the utmost and you are that school. So the homeschool mom is a school. So whether you’re a public, private, or preschool, it doesn’t matter. You are still that school. So where we meet or I meet locally, the mom is a homeschool mom because she opens up her home for us but she is the teacher. So when I break off with her to pray for her children, I’m bathing her children in prayer, just right along with her. There are two of us, two are just praying, and sometimes she’s lost. You know, she’s like exhausted, she’s tired. She’s teaching this child and I get to love on that child. Let the Holy Spirit go through me that that mom’s not even going to think about because she’s in the trenches.

Sally Burke
And so I just let the Holy Spirit pray through me. And then she’s lifted. So I’ve come alongside of her, let God pray through me for that child. And then also she’s the teacher. So, I get to pray for her as the teacher. Oh, may she not grow weary in doing good. Oh Lord, fill her with wisdom and knowledge and insight. Oh Lord, even on the hard days help her love her child as you have that child. And I just get to bathe her. And then we pray, her school’s at home, may that home be filled with peace. May her children get caught when they’re doing wrong. So wherever your kid’s at, whether it’s homeschool, on a private, public, or charter school, they all need prayer and I love praying for homeschool moms because they’re giving their child a gift, an incredible gift. So I want to be praying for them. I want to be supporting them. I want them to know oh my gosh, God is right there moving in you and through you.

Sasha Star Robertson
Awesome. I love that. And I just think, you know, in this season our world has been going through loneliness and isolation and those are the words that come up for me at times, but really, it’s this what have they been calling it? Quarantine or whatever. There are lots of other words that they would use and I’m like basically we’re just isolating. I just think especially for moms it’s been a lonely season, a lot of at home, a lot of being away from gatherings of friends and family, and things like that.

Sasha Star Robertson
And when I just hear you talking about moms and prayer, I’m like, wow, who would not want to be a part of, of that community who does not want to stand beside someone who is like petitioning the gates of heaven for you and so to me, I’m just like, yes, all in. Who would not want to be part of Moms in Prayer? And so could you direct us where do we go if we’re like, I wonder if there’s a Moms in Prayer near me. I wonder if I should be the one to start one. Where can we find that and more resources and everything else?

Sally Burke 9:58
Momsinprayer.org and there’s tons of free resources there for you. There’s some things you can buy if you want to buy but there are lots of free resources. But you to momsinprayer.org and you will become part of this sisterhood. I love the kids I prayed for, I love them as if they’re my own. I ran into one of them at the gym. They usually hug me. They thanked me for their prayers, but I love them and they know it. Even if they’re adults and I tell them I love you they go thank you I mean they know what.

Sally Burke
So go to Momsinprayer.org go to our Facebook or Instagram at Moms in Prayer. Find out their scripture prayer. Monday we pray for ourselves, Tuesday a child, Wednesday another child, Thursday a teacher, Friday a school. But there’s a sister just waiting to stand alongside you. A sister just waiting to pray with you and for you, and we’re forever friends. We just are. I travel all over the world. Every place I go there’s a Moms in Prayer woman she’s like my new best friend. There’s just that linked heart, one to gather with God and Christ for our children and schools. God knows the plans he has. We don’t God does. So when we pray, God reveals and shows us and we just partner with Him to bless our kids.

Sasha Star Robertson
Amen, and you guys have a podcast as well is that Moms in Prayer?

Sally Burke
Yes, and if you go to our website, you can just scroll down. You can see the podcast, you can see that Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest. We’re on Pinterest, anywhere to encourage, that’s our goal. To encourage moms. We know it’s tough, but yet God always leads us victoriously. And so it’s just a prayer away. Your victory is just one prayer away.

Sasha Star Robertson
Yes. Okay, well, momsinprayer.org. I’ll definitely link that in the show notes. So you all can just have easy click access to that. I just want to thank you so much Sally for just pouring all of this information and value and encouragement into us, directing us to resources on where we can go to find more information about plugging into this amazing organization. And everything that you guys have. I would love to ask you one last question before we jump off because you’ve already touched on it multiple times, I think before we clicked record, and once we did, but I just want to know these two words, intentional abundance, what do they mean to you?

Sally Burke
So much. We intentionally connect with God every single day, every single day. We need him. And as you do that you will live the abundant life that Christ came and died for, now is risen at the right hand of God. He wants to bless you abundantly. So so be intentional. Every day go, God, I want to pray to help me give me that time to pray and He will bless you abundantly.

Sasha Star Robertson
Awesome. Thank you so much. I just love hearing every one of my guests’ take on that because it just resonates in my heart with what God has shown me and it’s truly as it’s not like the world will say in terms of abundance but he just all the stuff that we talked about that comes along with prayer and thanksgiving and praise and just staying connected with him. So thank you again, Sally. Thank you to all the listeners. I just will continue to pray this entire podcast episode over each and every one of you and I pray that you will, that God will put on your heart and lead you to connect with the Moms in Prayer group local to you and if there isn’t one that you would start one and begin praying for your children in your community, your schools, and your teachers and all of that.

Sally Burke
Thank you Sasha, what a joy to be with you.

Sasha Star Robertson
Thank You. Same to you.